IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

MANY PEOPLE PREFER TO STAY IN THE SAME TYPE OF THE WORK ALL THEIR LIFE,WHEREAS OTHER PREFER TO CHANGE THE TYPE OF WORK.DISCUSS BOTH VIESWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

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There is an
on going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
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 debate regarding, keeping the same
job
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 for a lifetime or
keep switching
Verb problem
continuing
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 the
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, which is more helpful
for
Change preposition
in
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run. A group of individuals have argued that
,
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apply
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switching the same chore
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 some challenges but it can be super beneficial for their career.;
however
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,
other
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others
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 are
counter claimed
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counterclaimed
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 that
,
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apply
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 staying in one profession can be advantageous for their growth. Prior to my stance, both
view points
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viewpoints
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 will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs with valid
reason
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reasons
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. Discussing the former view, supporters believe that, there are some strong benefits
can
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that can
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 come from
job
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 hopping. One of the major
reason
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reasons
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changing
Change preposition
for changing
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 the industry is
better
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a better
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 pay package, which can help to lessen the financial burden on an individual.
Secondly
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, the experience and skills which
is
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are
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 developed by an individual will be helpful in future.
Moreover
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, it is generally seen that at the beginning of
life
Add a comma
life,
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 people settle for whatever
job
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 they can acquire. There is no priority given to the
job
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 satisfaction. But later on when the person is
bit
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a bit
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 comfortable,
then
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the
Correct your spelling
they
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changing
Wrong verb form
change
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the
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 something where the heart lies.
However
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, proponents have their own opinion.
To begin
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 with, the crucial reason why people like sticking to one
job
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 is,
there
Correct word choice
that there
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 are high chances of
the
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apply
show examples
promotion because of
long standing
Add a hyphen
long-standing
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 trust.
Furthermore
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, they have a great relationship with their colleagues and hate to change the work environment. If the individual personal and professional life is balanced
then
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 they fear
to take
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taking
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risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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while
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 changing
the
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
To sum up
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 and offer my positions, I support
former
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the former
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 view.
While
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 changing the
job
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 some challenges
but
Correct word choice
apply
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overall
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 it is a positive development in one’s life.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider rephrasing the introduction for clarity. Make sure to clearly state your opinion more explicitly at the end of the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve transition between paragraphs for smoother flow. For example, using linking phrases can enhance the connection between different ideas.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This can make your points clearer and more convincing.
Task Achievement
Make sure to proofread for grammatical accuracy and phrasing to enhance clarity and readability.
Task Achievement
You presented balanced viewpoints on the topic, which is a good approach for discussion essays.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance, showing an understanding of the essay format.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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