IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are stressed today than ever before. What are the causes of this stress? Can you suggest some possible solutions?

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Nowadays a lot of
people
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, especially in industrialized countries, experience more
stress
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 than in the years before. Multiple factors are said to play a role in
this
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 development and there are a variety of solutions that could help to prevent it. First of
all
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all,
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 we live in a fast-paced
mordern
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modern
life
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 with many work and personal responsibilities. New technologies make it possible to check emails after work and even during holidays.
This
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 makes it even harder to set boundaries between work and personal
life
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. Free time to chill, relax and recharge their batteries, which is important to perform well in the
job
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, is decreasing. On the opposite is the personal
life
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 with
committments
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commitments
such
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 as taking care of children or
eldery
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elderly
 family members and household tasks.
In addition
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,
people
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 feel obliged to maintain friendships even
tough
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though
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 they are physically and mentally exhausted. The social pressure to perform well in all circumstances of
life
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 is nowadays
extremly
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extremely
 high.
Secondly
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial insecurity
also
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 puts pressure on
people
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. In recent years living
coasts
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costs
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 for rent
an
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and
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 groceries
as well as
Linking Words
 healthcare
are
Verb problem
have
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 constantly rising and create anxiety in
people
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.
Furthermore
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,
instable
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unstable
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job
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 conditions due
of
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to
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 financial problems of the companies lead to uncertainty about future career options and income stability. The fear of
loosing
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losing
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 a
job
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 and not
been
Wrong verb form
being
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 able to pay off debts and rents brings more
stress
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 to the
people
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.
In addition
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, the social pressure of being able to fund
the
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apply
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extracurricular activities for themselves and their children intensifies the feeling about one`s financial situation. To address
this
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 growing problem both individuals and the government can take action.
Personally
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Personally,
show examples
 we should prioritize mental health and a good work-
life
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 balance.
This
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 could be achieved by Yoga classes, Mediation or even
a
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apply
show examples
personal coaching when necessary.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 the government could support the improvement of working time conditions, by promoting flexible working hours.
This
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 would help
the
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apply
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people
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 to balance their working and private
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 better and reduce
stress
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. Even more the companies and government could launch public campaigns to raise awareness of the growing
stress
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 problem in our society. In conclusion,
stress
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 has become a great factor in our lives caused by financial issues and a poor work-
life
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 balance
due to
Linking Words
job
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 demands and personal responsibilities.
Due to
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 changes
of
Change preposition
in
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 personal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 governmental and company support,
there
Replace the word
their
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 problems could be reduced leading to a more well-balanced
live-style
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lifestyle
show examples
.

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task achievement
While your essay effectively identifies the causes of stress, ensure that your solutions are more detailed and specific. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay's structure is generally clear, but improving the transition between points could enhance the flow. For example, using linking phrases could help better connect your ideas between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion provide a nice overview of the topic and summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
You have identified significant causes of stress and proposed relevant solutions that reflect an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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