IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully ejoyed, films nedd to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Films are made to entertain
people
Use synonyms
 to lower their stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
, When
people
Use synonyms
 go outside to watch or to eat, it raises their mood. Technology is developing rapidly, In
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 it was so
diffcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to see a
movie
Use synonyms
 outside where
as
Change preposition
whereas
show examples
 these days it
possible
Add a missing verb
is possible
show examples
 to watch a
movie
Use synonyms
 without even going anywhere.
People
Use synonyms
 love to watch movies on their tablets and Televisions through OTT
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 like Netflix , prime
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etc
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they feel comfortable watching
Use synonyms
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 at home, because they can do other things too
while
Linking Words
 watching.
For example
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 week
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was watching an episode of
Web
Correct article usage
a Web
show examples
 Series
while
Linking Words
 doing my household chores.
However
Linking Words
, If
people
Use synonyms
 go outside and watch a
movie
Use synonyms
 in a theatre
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will give them an immense experience, because of theatre lighting and sound effects.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they will enjoy more because of so many
people
Use synonyms
 around which will make them feel like a festival. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 must say that watching
Use synonyms
movie
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
 at home is much more beneficial as compared to
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 it in a cinema because it gives us all the time to do other things side by side.

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suggestion
Try to refine your thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline your main arguments.
suggestion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that you support this with relevant examples and explanations.
suggestion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence, especially in complex sentences.
positive
You provided clear points for both sides of the argument.
positive
The personal example added a relatable touch to your argument about watching at home.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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