IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the tradition of families living together is disappearing. What are the reasons for this trend? What are the effects on the family and society as a whole? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The global trend of families living under the same roof
is
Verb problem
has
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facing
Wrong verb form
faced
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 a drastic change in recent years.
Due to
Linking Words
 modernization and modification in lifestyle, a human being is evolving , and shifting his needs being met from alternative sources. Undoubtedly, it has its positive and negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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families and society in general.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the major cause behind
this
Linking Words
 practice is getting exposure on
global
Correct article usage
a global
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levels
Fix the agreement mistake
level
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. An individual has excess to all kinds of information on the internet which includes news, entertainment, health and social events. They do not feel the need to physically sit with people and get something out of it.
Todays
Fix the agreement mistake
Today
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 man is running on schedule even when he is not awake, which contributes to having no time to spend with loved ones.
That is
Linking Words
 why the bonds between close relatives are weakening or being replaced by other companions who are easily available without limiting them geographically. Moving forward, the idea of celebrating cultures is fading away with modernization. Having family dinners together or sleepovers is no longer
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
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 man's interest. There are numerous effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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families and society
such
Linking Words
 as lack of knowledge in
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generations. Our younger generations are not fully aware
about
Change the preposition
of
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 their backgrounds and inherited family rituals.
For example
Linking Words
, continuing
fashion
Correct article usage
the fashion
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 of
thanksgiving
Capitalize word
Thanksgiving
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 dinners or egg hunting with children/ grandchildren.
This
Linking Words
 is a very big reason why history is dying and only alive in libraries and
book stores
Correct your spelling
bookstores
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, to fulfil daily life routine works we are getting separated from our roots which gives birth to generational gaps and misunderstandings with parents /grandparents. Lack of communication,
time
Correct word choice
and time
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 inefficiency
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 killing our
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 without making any noise. In conclusion, living
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
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 and
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
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 life is
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 era's requirement but there is an alarming need to find a balance between both living standards. Having family around should be a matter of interest rather than an obligation.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. A brief overview of the reasons and effects would help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to better illustrate your points and demonstrate the relevance of each effect on families and society. For example, provide more detail about the impact of generational gaps on family relationships.
language
Use more varied vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance the readability and richness of your writing. This can contribute to a higher score.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the reasons for the trend and its effects, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
There are some relevant examples mentioned, such as Thanksgiving dinners, which help support the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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