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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide(CO2) emission per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden , Italy and portugal between 1967 and 2007 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main featire and make comparisions where relevant

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide(CO2) emission per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden , Italy and portugal between 1967 and 2007 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main featire and make comparisions where relevant
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The line graph provides information about
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 pollution of carbon dioxide(CO2) per individual in four different
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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:
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal in 40 years period from 1967 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, Italy and Portugal increased significantly,
while
Linking Words
 the
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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Kingdon
Correct your spelling
Kingdom
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 and Sweden performed
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
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 pattern.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Portugal started from the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 with below 2 metric tonnes in the
intial
Correct your spelling
initial
 year. the
number
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 continued to
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
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 and reached above 4
metric
Change to a plural noun
metrics
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 in the final year.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Italy was
obeserved
Correct your spelling
observed
 began with approximately 4
metric
Change to a plural noun
metrics
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 in 1967 and had a steep increase in the next 10 years, exceeding 6
metric
Change to a plural noun
metrics
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.
Although
Linking Words
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
sligthly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 fluctuation, the
number
Use synonyms
 reached its highest point at below 8 in 2007.
However
Linking Words
, Despite reaching the highest point in the first decade, exceeding 10 metric, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom dropped significantly in the
last
Linking Words
 30 years, accounting
in
Change preposition
for
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 around 9 metric tonnes per person. Meanwhile, Sweden began as the second highest about 8 metric.
even
Capitalize word
Even
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 though in the following decade the
number
Use synonyms
soar
Wrong verb form
soared
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 over 10, it
then
Linking Words
 plummeted to its lowest
number
Use synonyms
 at around 4 metric tonnes per person.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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