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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high schools students are encouraged to make comments or even critisism on their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, the issue of the methods of high
shool
Correct your spelling
school
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 education has become a widely debated topic.
While
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 some claim that teachers should make comments and criticize
for
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apply
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students
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' learning, others believe that its consequences will cause lower confidence or more
lathergic
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lethargic
.
This
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 essay will examine both views and explain why I believe the latter view is more considerable. On the one hand, it is true that there are certain positive effects when teachers criticize
to
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apply
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students
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. First and foremost, criticism allows pupils to cultivate valuable personal traits
such
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 as resilience. Overcoming challenges to their
opinionscan
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opinions can
 help
students
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 achieve higher grades, which can lead to self-confidence.
For example
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, a 2020 psychological study conducted by
Korea
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the Korea
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 Psychology Association has reported that individuals who
recieved
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received
 criticism tend to be more active and responsible in their assignments compared to those who did not.
Thus
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, criticism can play a vital role in enhancing their abilities.
On the other hand
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, there are some concerns about criticized comments despite
its
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their
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 benefits. If teachers criticize
students
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 excessively, they can feel frustrated and confused. To illustrate
further
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this
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, many psychologists in the United Kingdom have noted that when adolescents
required
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require
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 too high standards, it
increased
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increases
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 the likelihood of quitting their assignments or disengaging
their
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from their
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 work. These consequences may
be
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have
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 significant bad effects
for
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on
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 their life.
Moreover
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, these effects
also
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 influence other friends who attend
same
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the same
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 classes in the school. There are many instances where individuals behave
similarly
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with
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to
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 their friends, and
this
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 trend can
be arise
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arise
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 in the classroom. In conclusion,
although
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 there are convincing arguments for both sides, I firmly believe that the disadvantages of
criticizm
Correct your spelling
criticism
 outweigh its advantages. Our society should ensure
students
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 attend classes where we can feel kindness and happiness to develop their confidence.

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Task Achievement
Develop your main points further with more specific examples and explanations. For instance, you can elaborate on how excessive criticism specifically affects students' mental health or academic performance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct spelling errors (e.g., 'critisism' should be 'criticism', 'lathergic' should be 'lethargic', 'recieved' should be 'received', etc.) and grammatical inaccuracies to improve clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas for better flow. Consider using linking phrases such as 'For instance', 'On the contrary', and 'In addition' to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
Task Achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the issue, which shows your ability to integrate different viewpoints in your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and previews the main argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.
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