IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people consider vaccination unnecessary and dangerous. What are the causes and effects? (1)

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It is argued that it is useless and dangerous to vaccinate.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes of
this
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 statement and will explore possible effects. First of all, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 avoiding
vaccination
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 is misinformation. To be more specific, often
people
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 are persuaded by others that
vaccines
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 lead to health-related issues.
For instance
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, during
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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 pandemic, there was a wrong idea among
people
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 that governments wanted to kill
people
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 with the
use
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 of
vaccines
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. Another point to consider is that some individuals have negative experiences
about
Change preposition
with
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vaccination
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. In the past, they faced
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
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 sides of
vaccines
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 which happens rarely,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 they have formed
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
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 and have spread among other
people
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 that there will be negative consequences on their health
,
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apply
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 if they will
use
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vaccines
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. With regard to possible effects raised by
people
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's thoughts about
vaccination
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, some diseases cannot
be overcame
Change the verb form
be overcome
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.
In other words
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, without
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vaccines
Add a comma
vaccines,
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 it is almost impossible to solve and prevent some illnesses. Measles,
for example
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, cannot be minimized
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 spreading, if
people
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 do not
use
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vaccines
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.
Furthermore
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, avoiding
vaccination
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 leads to an increased amount of cost in healthcare centres. To elaborate, if
people
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 stay away from
Use synonyms
use
Add an article
the use
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 of
vaccines
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, the rate of diseases will increase and it will
results
Change the verb form
result
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 in high
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 in hospitals. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account, because of misinformation and some created
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
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vaccination
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 is considered unnecessary and dangerous and it has
detrimental
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a detrimental
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 impact on
minimazing
Correct your spelling
minimizing
 certain illnesses and it can cause
increased
Add an article
an increased
show examples
 amount of money in hospitals.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement outlining the main arguments you will discuss in the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points, particularly in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy, as some sentences contain awkward phrasing that may hinder clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant and important topic regarding vaccination.
task achievement
You have presented two main reasons for the viewpoint against vaccination, which shows analysis of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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