IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that you can only learn about the cultures of different place by traveling to there. other people think that you can learn just as much about these places from reading books and watching travel documentaries about them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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It was argued that learning other
cultures
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to immerse yourself
on
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in
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 the society which you want to know .
however
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,
on the other hand
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, people believed that you could
learned
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learn
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 it through books and documentary
videos
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.In
this
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essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 will discuss both views and provide my own thinking. There are several benefits
in
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to
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 knowing other
cultures
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 because we can connect with them despite our differences.And
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one way to learn
other
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about other
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Use synonyms
culture
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cultures
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 is to travel to that place and live with them for an extended time. Living with other
race
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races
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 is a little bit hard at first because you can't just do what
you've
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you
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 used to do back in your country.
Nevertheless
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, it will
paid
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be paid
pay
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 off once
you've
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you're
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 used to it. Spending time and learning new
cultures
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 in
actual
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an actual
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 way is
really
Correct article usage
a really
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 great experience because you involve yourself
to
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in
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 a new challenge in life and in fact, you can interact with them in person. I recall once when I lived in Japan and I was amazed by their great
culture
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.
On the other hand
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, learning
cultures
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 by reading books and
videos
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also
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 can help a person to understand about other
cultures
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.
However
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, in
this
Linking Words
 way of learning you have to be aware of your source because some books and
videos
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weren't
Wrong verb form
aren't
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 authentic in information. Like
for example
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 the
videos
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 that I
have
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apply
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watched weeks ago about
Japan
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Japanese
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culture
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 which is not fact. In light of the aforementioned, both ways of learning
cultures
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helps
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help
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 a person to understand other
cultures
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.
However
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, immersing yourself
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a society which is new for you is
great
Add an article
a great
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 experience in learning other
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 because you can directly interact with them.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic, but ensure there’s a clearer thesis statement outlining your main argument. This will guide the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, consider using clear paragraphing for each view to enhance readability. Start new paragraphs for each main idea.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. For instance, elaborate on your experience in Japan to illustrate your learning process more vividly.
task achievement
You present a good balance of both views, which shows your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your personal anecdote about living in Japan adds a nice touch and relates well to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • cultural practices
  • emotional connections
  • historical contexts
  • social issues
  • broaden perspectives
  • knowledge gaps
  • complement each other
  • practical experiences
  • well-rounded knowledge
What to do next:
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