IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe sports at schools should be compulsory, while others think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is a common
belife
Correct your spelling
belief
 that some people think only
expertise
Replace the word
expert
show examples
 subjects are important to
students
Use synonyms
 and suppose
sports
Use synonyms
 at
scools
Correct your spelling
schools
 are a waste of time.
However
Linking Words
, there is a more persuasive argument that exercising at
schools
Use synonyms
 should be compulsory because it allows
students
Use synonyms
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
show examples
 stable and healthy. On the one hand, some people
imphasize
Correct your spelling
emphasise
 subjects which are related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 expert knowledge and can help
students
Use synonyms
 get into university since one of the biggest
purpose
Change to a plural noun
purposes
show examples
 of
schools
Use synonyms
 is learning specific subjects. Specifically,
schools
Use synonyms
 have limited time and some
students
Use synonyms
 might have more interest in other classes
instead
Linking Words
 of exercising.
For example
Linking Words
, several
schools
Use synonyms
 in Korea
start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
 to run extra classes for
students
Use synonyms
 who want extracurricular activities
such
Linking Words
 as science experimentation, writing reports activity, and
supplymentary
Correct your spelling
supplementary
class
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I support the idea that
sports
Use synonyms
 at
schools
Use synonyms
 should be compulsory. In my opinion, a
sports
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 between other classes
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
students
Use synonyms
' physical health and
also
Linking Words
 mental health since moving their body
release
Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
show examples
 individuals' stress instantly.
Also
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who are not athletic need to learn how to bear what they really don't want to do. Plus, the
sports
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 can be motivated
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 some
students
Use synonyms
 who
Add a missing verb
are interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in
sports
Use synonyms
 or want to major in physical training.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 it is apparent that the
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
class
Use synonyms
 is not important, it is undeniable that moving their bodies
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 more healthy and
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivated
show examples
.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in outlining both views and your opinion more explicitly. Consider rephrasing to better present your perspective alongside the topics being discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a bit unclear, and there are minor grammatical errors. Ensuring clearer syntax would enhance readability. Consider revising your sentences for clarity and flow.
task achievement
While you provide examples, they could be more directly related to your arguments. Try to strengthen the connection between your examples and main points for greater impact.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear opinion in favor of compulsory sports classes, which is important for the task.
task achievement
Your discussion of mental health benefits from physical activity is relevant and shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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