IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.BBB

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The prevalence of a competitive environment in education and career sectors causes debate
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.Some of them think
competition
Use synonyms
 encourages
productivity
Use synonyms
 and innovation positively
while
Linking Words
 others emphasize it leads to less
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperation
Use synonyms
 and teamwork.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide
both
Use synonyms
 perspectives before presenting my own view. In
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the first argument,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 indeed increases
productivity
Use synonyms
 indicators
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 each field.Because everyone tries to differ from other members of society
due to
Linking Words
 their performance and skills.It
also
Linking Words
 leads to improving of more learning new abilities
such
Linking Words
 as adaptation to cutting edges and changeable
world
Use synonyms
 conditions.Including these alters:implementation of artificial intelligence in each process and demand for self-development programs.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity
Use synonyms
 brings innovations and new functions to the
world
Use synonyms
.Various companies develop
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 through
competition
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,Apple and Samsung are one of the best competitive companies
due to
Linking Words
 their advertising campaigns and viral products so Apple offered
iPhone
Correct article usage
the iPhone
show examples
 14 and immediately Samsung created the S24 model for difference.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the competitive environment has some drawbacks for people who prefer to do anything with a team.Because some issues or solutions really require
cooperation
Use synonyms
 and negotiation among the population.If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society gives a preference to make a competitive aura
instead
Linking Words
 of team-working,it leads to ignorance of major problems in the
world
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,the population especially big organizations use
cooperation
Use synonyms
 with each other.To illustrate
this
Linking Words
,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Nations Climate Change arranges Conference of the Parties events to solve global environmental concerns each year in the
world
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
competition
Use synonyms
 has a crucial role
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 work and education.
this
Linking Words
 triggers innovation so it is a good method to meet customer needs for business.Because consumer behaviour in the market changes
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 competitive atmosphere is not the best way among people.My approach is each leader should create a cooperative atmosphere like finding new innovations through teamwork so
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 will be
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a balance between
competition
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
competition
Use synonyms
 causes
both
Use synonyms
 positive approaches
such
Linking Words
 as
productivity
Use synonyms
 and innovation,and a negative effect like less partnership.
According to
Linking Words
 my opinion,every leader who has a commitment
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any group should consider a balance between
both
Use synonyms
 sides.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but consider providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines your opinion explicitly.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas flow reasonably well, try to use more linking words and phrases to enhance the transitions between sentences and paragraphs, which will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you are not overly repetitive in certain phrases or structures. For example, varying your sentence structures can make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, especially with companies like Apple and Samsung, which strengthens your points.
task achievement
Your essay acknowledges both sides of the argument effectively, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: