IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, children in remote villages and communities have no access to education. some people believe that the best solution will be provide teacher and schools. others think that providing computer and internet in these areas will be a better solution. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I think it is good to get some
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a lot of
countries
Use synonyms
 do not have the money to provide
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
. I know in fact if they provide
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
, it will be a nice  
education
Use synonyms
 for the
children
Use synonyms
, but ,
like
Replace the word
as
show examples
 I said, it will be expensive for the poor
countries
Use synonyms
 because it will be impossible to provide
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
.
ON THE OTHER hand
Linking Words
, providing computers and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 for
education
Use synonyms
 is a good solution for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
, for sure . Now we want to talk about the other solution: providing computers and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 in poor
countries
Use synonyms
 or in villages. I think it's hard! Because there will not be any singing for the
internet
Use synonyms
 singing,
also
Linking Words
, in some way, if they had a good connection
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
, it would be a good solution to providing computers and
internet
Use synonyms
 for the people they want to help, the poor
children
Use synonyms
. In my respectful opinion, I think it is one of the rights of
children
Use synonyms
 to have a nice and great
education
Use synonyms
. The poor or other
countries
Use synonyms
 do not have the right
education
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
; it is a big problem. The rich
countries
Use synonyms
 should help and support the
countries
Use synonyms
 that do have the
education
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
. In the end, in my opinion, everyone in the world should have an
education
Use synonyms
, no matter how poor or rich they are. All the
countries
Use synonyms
 should provide all the resources for
education
Use synonyms
 to the
children
Use synonyms
. I hope all the
children
Use synonyms
 have the right to their
education
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide specific examples to support your arguments more effectively. For instance, mention countries that have successfully implemented either solution and the results they achieved.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. Use linking words more consistently to help the reader follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion by summarizing the main points of each side and stating your opinion explicitly at the beginning and end.
content
You express a sincere concern for children's education in remote areas, demonstrating a clear personal opinion on an important topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: