IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

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Smoking is widely regarded as harmful, as it contributes to serious illness and death throughout the world. Some people contend that governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. I firmly agree with the following suggestion, as prohibiting the use of these products fosters a healthier society. Undeniably, the
smoke
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 a person inhales severely damages their internal organs.
Although
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 the negative effects are not massive during the initial stages, in the long run, smoking leads to fatal consequences.
Furthermore
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,
smoke
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 from a cigarette is accompanied by nicotine, a drug used to overstimulate the neurons, leading to the formation of addiction. It has been stated through various medical studies that a person addicted to smoking is likely to develop lung cancer and other respiratory diseases. In India, most underprivileged individuals living in slums and on footpaths
smoke
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 every day, and
this
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 routine has led to their poor health, ultimately leading to death.
Moreover
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, smoking in public places and homes is
also
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 harmful to nearby people, and
this
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 is called passive smoking. To illustrate
this
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 point
further
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, in the United States, most parents are indulging in smoking activities and exhaling that
smoke
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 into the air.
This
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 air with
smoke
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 particles is unintentionally consumed by children in the house and leads to their poor health and development.
In addition
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 to passive smoking, children are observers and mimic their elders,
therefore
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, youngsters find smoking stylish and upbeat. In conclusion, I firmly agree that governments should prohibit the use of cigarettes and tobacco products for the well-being of both adults and youngsters. Ultimately,
this
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 would contribute to a better future for the nation, as younger generations would not crave addiction and its fatal consequences.

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Task Achievement
Consider including a counterargument or addressing potential opposing views to strengthen your argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your structure is mostly clear, ensure each paragraph directly ties back to your main argument to enhance logical flow.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, showcasing good overall clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of examples, such as the impact of smoking on children in public spaces, adds depth to your argument and engages the reader.
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