IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays human activities have had negative effects on plants and animal species. Some people think that it is too late to do anything about this problem while others argue that effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Modern communication methods have significantly transformed people's lifestyles. One notable consequence is the reduction in time spent socializing with friends and family, which has adversely affected the sense of community. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons why I strongly agree with
this
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 view. On the one hand, social media platforms have increasingly isolated individuals from their immediate surroundings. As these platforms offer instant gratification and a sense of connection, many people have lost interest in participating in real-life social activities.
For example
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, a few years ago, in downtown Jordan, groups of friends would gather weekly to socialize and enjoy entertainment. Today,
however
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,
such
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 gatherings have become rare, as individuals often prefer chatting for hours on WhatsApp groups or Messenger from the comfort of their homes. Sadly, many no longer recognize the value of face-to-face interactions with their peers.
On the other hand
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, the ease of telecommunication has encouraged families to substitute virtual contact for traditional family gatherings. As family members now communicate frequently through messages, calls, and video chats, they often feel less need for in-person visits.
For instance
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,
last
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 year, my sister chose not to attend my son's birthday celebration;
instead
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, she sent a heartfelt birthday card and his
favorite
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favourite
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 song via email.
While
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this
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 was a creative and thoughtful gesture, I believe that family events should be celebrated together in person, as they serve as vital opportunities for bonding and maintaining strong familial ties. In conclusion,
although
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 modern communication technologies offer undeniable convenience, their negative impact on real-world social interactions is profound. As individuals increasingly rely on digital communication, they risk losing the deeper emotional connections that only face-to-face interactions can provide.

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task achievement
Ensure you present a balanced view by briefly acknowledging the opposing side of the argument before stating your own opinion more strongly. This can make your essay feel more comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are well-structured, consider using more varied linking devices to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. For example, transition phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In contrast' could help clarify relationships between your points.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and effectively supports it with personal examples and observations, which adds authenticity to the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your organization of ideas is solid, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each focus on one main point, and a conclusion that summarizes your stance well.
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