IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that the best way to help poor countries is financial aids. Other say other forms of aid should be given. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 a global issue that some poor
countries
Use synonyms
 need to
assist
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 financially
while
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that can help poor
countries
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in another
show examples
another ways
Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
show examples
 without financial
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views before presenting my opinion. There are several disadvantages if they assist poor
countries
Use synonyms
 with financial
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as they do not have enough experience to manage
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 or they might spend
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong place.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they might have
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
 corruption which means
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not belong to
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
while
Linking Words
 some
individuels
Correct your spelling
individuals
 take
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 and spend it on themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, In 2007, BBC
made
Verb problem
conducted
show examples
 an experiment about how much the benefits
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 other
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich
countries
Use synonyms
 would assist poor
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
financial
Change preposition
with financial
show examples
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, they discovered
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 financial
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
do
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 have Authority
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
, So they steal and
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 the financial
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 on themselves. ,
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not
essental
Correct your spelling
essential
 to improve developing
countries
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 financial
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
. There are
money
Use synonyms
 ways of
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 to change
countries
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as building universities and
hosptals
Correct your spelling
hospitals
,
Create
Wrong verb form
Creating
show examples
 employment, Exersice
people
Use synonyms
aboard
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 and
return
Wrong verb form
returning
show examples
 to
whose
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
. Anyway,
People
Use synonyms
 can build their
countries
Use synonyms
 if they
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 educated and expert. In conclusion, In my opinion, I
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that can help poor
countries
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different ways
such
Linking Words
 as
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
people
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 We could not assist poor
countries
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 financai support
due to
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 high risk.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Countries
Use synonyms
 do not have
expert
Add an article
an expert
show examples
 to manage their
money
Use synonyms
 or make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plane
Correct your spelling
plans
show examples
 to improve.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points that you will discuss in the essay. This helps give the reader a clearer idea of your direction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid informal language and ensure all points are clearly articulated. For example, instead of 'wrong place', you could say 'inappropriately'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas. For example, at the beginning of paragraphs, words like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', and 'In addition' can help guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use proper grammar and sentence structure. For instance, 'they might spend this money in a wrong place' should be 'they might spend this money in the wrong way'.
Task Achievement
Clarify your conclusion. It should restate your main point and summarize the arguments you’ve made in the essay clearly.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear discussion of both views, which is commendable. You’ve made an effort to present various perspectives which is crucial for a balanced argument.
Task Achievement
The example provided about the BBC experiment, while needing refinement, shows a good attempt at illustrating your point about financial aid and its mismanagement, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: