IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While
Linking Words
 one school of thought hold that
people
Use synonyms
 who commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 should
be punish
Change the verb form
be punished
show examples
going
Change preposition
by going
show examples
 to jail,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 express their
viewpoint
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
show examples
 there are various solutions
instead
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.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I will delve into
this
Linking Words
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 and end up with a conclusion. On the one hand, it is understandable why
people
Use synonyms
 should
be went
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to
prison
Use synonyms
. The first reason is they have to be punished
due to
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there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
leding
Correct your spelling
leading
 to the moral mirror and acquiring knowledge for citizens with the aim of preventing potential criminals. If heavy laws are applied, dwellers will
be created
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 a sense of scare and
avoided
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 them to commit mistakes
such
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 as
stole
Replace the word
stealing
show examples
 or even worse.
For example
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, punishing citizens directly on finances or
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 activities to help the communities is not effective. These
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 base their
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
arguments
 on the fact that it will cause a serious imbalance
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, making human
affair
Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
show examples
 of going out of their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 and
must be enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 protective
securities
Fix the agreement mistake
security
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, I still contend that not always the best solution of putting lawbreakers
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
. The first alternative measure is punishing
people
Use synonyms
 who break
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on the heavy level of the crime.
For instance
Linking Words
, taking part in transportation without wearing
helmet
Add an article
a helmet
show examples
 cannot
be seem
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 as serious as killing
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should have separate
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each
situations
Change to a singular noun
situation
show examples
.
Moreover
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, some young criminals do not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-informed knowledge about their actions,
putting
Correct word choice
so putting
show examples
 them
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
 might
too
Add a missing verb
be too
show examples
 heavy as spending a long time
interact
Change the form of the verb
interacting
show examples
 with bad
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 will make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 become
worser
Correct your spelling
worse
. In conclusion, some are of the opinion that putting lawbreakers into
prison
Use synonyms
 is the optimal solution,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
still believe that a variety of measurements could be applied
instead
Linking Words
.

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grammar
Improve grammar and sentence structure for clarity. For example, "punish going to jail" should be changed to "should be punished by going to jail". Please focus on proper verb forms and agreement as well.
organization
Ensure to present clear arguments with well-developed points. Each point should ideally follow a clear structure: state the point, explain it, and provide a relevant example. This way, your points will be more robust and persuasive.
vocabulary
Use more precise vocabulary and expressions. Avoid vague phrases like "a sense of scare"; instead, consider using "a sense of fear". This enhances the readability and professionalism of your writing.
content
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is a positive aspect.
content
You have provided examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your position and shows critical thinking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • prison
  • alternatives
  • deterrence
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • overcrowding
  • financial strains
  • community service
  • vocational training
  • restorative justice
  • make amends
  • diversion programs
  • non-violent offenders
  • mental health problems
What to do next:
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