IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a lot of pressure on yong people to day to succeed academically as a result some people believe that non academic subjesuch as a physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work To what extend do you agree or disagree Give reason for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

Now A Days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life in school is very pressured for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people to succeed academically.As there are many
non academically
Replace the word
academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as physical
education
Use synonyms
,
cookery
Use synonyms
 and many more ,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 children cannot concentrate on their academic work in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 paragraph In
this
Linking Words
 essay I would like to share my opinion On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 studying is getting more harder day by day so children
finds
Change the verb form
find
show examples
 more difficulty
to give
Change preposition
in giving
show examples
 their best in academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 .In which they can learn maths Biology ,Accounting,History,sociology and so on.
According
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 he or she can learn valuable things and
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 knowledge for their whole life and can achieve
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 career in future like
doctors
Fix the agreement mistake
doctor
show examples
,
engineers
Fix the agreement mistake
engineer
show examples
,
accountants
Fix the agreement mistake
accountant
show examples
 and many more
On the other hand
Linking Words
 the
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 like physical
education
Use synonyms
,
cookery
Use synonyms
,hair stylist music and so on .
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 you feel mentally and physically relaxed and
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 you
piece
Correct your spelling
peace
show examples
 of mind
for example
Linking Words
 physical
education
Use synonyms
 makes your body fit ,
cookery
Use synonyms
 can help you to learn
cooking
Change the verb form
to cook
show examples
 by
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
yourself
show examples
 and makes you independent .
Therefore
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 kind of
Use synonyms
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
also
Linking Words
 gives
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to score good marks for those students who are not good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 academic
subjects
Use synonyms
Although
Linking Words
 I would like to share my own experience of my school days as I am
also
Linking Words
 not good in academic
subjects
Use synonyms
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in maths and chemistry so one of my
teacher
Change to a plural noun
teachers
show examples
suggest
Wrong verb form
suggested
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
choose one or two
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can maintain my good grades.
Besides
Linking Words
 that cousin was very good in
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
 so
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 teacher
suggest
Wrong verb form
suggested
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
 not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
choose any
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 and focus more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his particular
subjects
Use synonyms
 only To summarise ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 like physical
education
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
cookery
Correct word choice
and cookery
show examples
 are not to be
a compulsory
Correct the article-noun agreement
a compulsory subject
compulsory subjects
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 for young people
.it
Correct your spelling
They
 can be optional so the children can give
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to their academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 and don't feel pressurised

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Language
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammar mistakes, as they can detract from the clarity of your message. For instance, 'yong' should be 'young', and 'subjesuch' should be 'subjects'.
Task Achievement
Your introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly states your position regarding the proposal to remove non-academic subjects.
Coherence
When presenting points, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea for that paragraph. This will improve logical flow.
Task Achievement
Consider developing each point further to provide more depth. You could include more examples or elaboration on how each type of subject benefits students.
Content
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable for task achievement.
Content
Your personal experience adds authenticity to your essay and illustrates your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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