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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relation is better. What do you think?

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There are two opposite opinions about the relationship between
students
Use synonyms
 and their teachers. Some people argue that
students
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 should be afraid of the teacher for better education
while
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 others think the best way to teach something is to have a friendly connection with
students
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. In
this
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 essay, each view will be discussed and given examples about the topic. On the one hand, in the teaching process, there should be a convenient environment and strong discipline. To create
such
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 an atmosphere,
students
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 have to be a little bit afraid of the teacher,
as well as
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management
Replace the word
manage
show examples
 and avoid behaviours that disturb the silence in the class.
For example
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, there are very strict rules which allow to provide the best conditions for teaching in most of the military training centres. Soldiers don't break the policies because of the fear of punishment.
Moreover
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, they learn their lessons with more responsibility in that situation.
On the other hand
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, in order to perceive the topic during the course more clearly it is important to feel
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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. For that purpose, teachers make good relations with their
students
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 and treat them as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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.
This
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 action takes the stress off them and helps to focus on the lessons. Research
of
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from
show examples
 the Azerbaijan Medical University in 2013 shows that the stress level of the brain affects learning ability
also
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 memory badly and reduces attention. In conclusion, there are different approaches to teaching and each idea has its own beneficial sides. From one view, being in fear of teachers leads to being more responsible and hardworking. From the other perspective, having a kind teacher makes the learning process enjoyable and effortless.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the two opposing views, but it could be strengthened by providing a more definitive statement of your position or conclusion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are generally well structured, but enhancing the topic sentences would help to clarify the main points of each paragraph more effectively. Make sure each paragraph begins with a clear point related to the argument.
task achievement
I encourage you to incorporate more specific examples or case studies that illustrate your points, especially in relation to the benefits of friendly teacher-student relationships.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and transition phrases to improve the flow between ideas and sections of your essay.
positive
Your essay does a commendable job of presenting both sides of the argument clearly and maintaining a balanced perspective throughout.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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