IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As populations continue to grow, places of natural beauty in cities and around are being used for construction of new housing. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a view that places of natural beauty in and around
cities
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 are being replaced by housing developments as populations continue to increase. In my opinion, natural
areas
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 should be protected and preserved from urban construction. One major reason why natural
areas
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 should be protected is that they play a vital role in maintaining environmental balance. Forests, parks, and other green spaces absorb carbon dioxide, produce oxygen, and provide habitats for various species. Removing them for housing projects can lead to serious environmental problems
such
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 as increased air pollution, loss of biodiversity, and higher temperatures in urban
areas
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.
For instance
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, research conducted in 2023 by the Environmental Protection Agency found that
cities
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 with fewer green spaces experience 30% higher temperatures during summer compared to those with protected natural zones.
Additionally
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, the disappearance of natural habitats in some
cities
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 has caused a sharp decline in bird and animal populations.
Therefore
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, preserving natural
areas
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 is not only essential for the health of the planet but
also
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 for the well-being of people living in
cities
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. Another reason to preserve natural
areas
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 is their positive impact on human mental and physical health. Natural space provides places for exercise, relaxation, and recreation, helping people to reduce stress, improve mood, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Without these
areas
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, the city population may experience a higher rate of anxiety, depression, and physical illness. As the result of protecting natural
areas
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 not only benefits the environment but
also
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 greatly enhances the quality of life for city residents
To sum up
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, natural
areas
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 must be preserved, as they are vital for both the environment and human well-being.

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task response
The introduction could be slightly clearer by explicitly stating the main argument. Enhance it by rephrasing to ensure it directly addresses the advantages and disadvantages in the prompt.
task response
Ensure to elaborate more in the conclusion on why the advantages are significant compared to disadvantages rather than a simple restatement of your position.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more linking words and phrases for smoother transitions between points, particularly in the second paragraph.
task response
Although your main points are supported with examples, providing a counterargument regarding the benefits of housing development could strengthen your essay, making it more balanced and comprehensive.
content
You provided strong arguments about the environmental and health benefits of preserving natural spaces, which are relevant to the topic and well-explained.
structure
The essay is generally well-structured, with clear main points and examples that support your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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