IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people have an unhealthy diet and do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons behind this trend? How can we encourage these people to live a healthy lifestyle?

It is true that we live in an era when most
people
Use synonyms
 are not engaging in a healthy
lifestyle
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,
neider
Correct your spelling
neither
 their dietary choices, nor their physical activity level is optimal.
While
Linking Words
 today’s busy world might be the greatest contributing factor, there are many other aspects to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, which should be carefully approached. One reason that metabolic diseases
has
Change the verb form
have
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 recently
sky rocketed
Correct your spelling
skyrocketed
show examples
, is the fact that
people
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 are so overwhelmed with their hectic daily routine, that they resort to convenience
food
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 and
low impact
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low-impact
show examples
 activities to relax. There is nothing more convenient than ordering
in
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apply
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some fast
food
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, and
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
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 it
while
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 scrolling on social media.
Additionally
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, buying
noutritous
Correct your spelling
nutritious
food
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 items like
vegtables
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vegetables
, fruits and meat, is often times costly and
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and the same goes for gym memberships.
Furthermore
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, many of these issues arise from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge and awareness on the subject. If individuals know the unfortunate ending that proceeding with these
lifestyle
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 choices can bring upon them, they might be more
enthusatic
Correct your spelling
enthusiastic
 to make alterations
in
Change preposition
to
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 it.
This
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 is
achieveable
Correct your spelling
achievable
 if media outlets commit to raising
masses’
Correct article usage
the masses’
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 awareness regarding these topics .
Moreover
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, the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 should interfere as well, through subsidizing
noutritious
Correct your spelling
nutritious
 ingredients to make them more affordable, providing healthier fast
food
Use synonyms
 alternatives and encouraging
lifestyle
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 modifications through
taxations
Fix the agreement mistake
taxation
show examples
 rewards for
people
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 who engage in physically demanding
excersises
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
. In conclusion, I would argue that most
people
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 are going through a difficult time and they do not have time or energy to make better
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 choices.
However
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, it is on the government to educate them and
simultaneousley
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
 facilitate and encourage adopting healthier
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
.

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task achievement
You have effectively identified key reasons for unhealthy lifestyles and have provided some solutions. However, elaborating on your ideas with specific examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure is acceptable, but some ideas could flow better. For example, transitioning between points could be smoother to enhance coherence.
grammar and vocabulary
There are minor grammatical errors and typos in the essay. Pay attention to word choice, such as 'neider' instead of 'neither', and ensure that spelling is correct ('noutritous' should be 'nutritious', 'vegtables' should be 'vegetables').
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt clearly and presents a relevant response to both parts of the question.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the issue and offers thoughtful insights into the causes and solutions related to unhealthy lifestyles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy diet
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • convenience foods
  • fast food
  • nutritional value
  • physical activity
  • obesity
  • chronic diseases
  • health education
  • healthy lifestyle
  • motivation
  • well-being
  • awareness
  • screen time
  • market influence
What to do next:
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