IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people have an unhealthy diet and do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons behind this trend? How can we encourage these people to live a healthy lifestyle?

In
this
Linking Words
 recent era, several individuals do not focus on
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
 fitness
activities
Use synonyms
 and having
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
. there are various reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend
along with
Linking Words
 some ways to motivate them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main cause of not following
Use synonyms
diet
Correct article usage
a diet
show examples
 and exercising is
busy
Add an article
a busy
show examples
 lifestyle.To explain, people are spending large amounts of time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 workplaces and working
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 without any breaks.
in
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not left with any energy to
perfom
Correct your spelling
perform
 these healthy
activities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
another reason is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and resources. most of the population do not have proper guidance and knowledge about the importance of
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 and regular physical
activities
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 some are not able to access
dietiens
Correct your spelling
diets
 and gyms. so , without any understanding of a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 and daily exercise, they lead poor
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
, which causes different kinds of diseases
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and cholesterol.
Additionally
Linking Words
, one of the
another reasons
Replace the adjective
another reason
other reasons
show examples
 is screen time. individuals waste a lot of time
while
Linking Words
 scrolling
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 and playing games.
mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
 young generation are more into phones because of attractive
vedios
Correct your spelling
videos
, movies, and songs.so, it is
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
 for them to
lay
Wrong verb form
lie
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bed and watch smartphones. To encourage people to lead
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle, there are some solutions. First and foremost, office management should not put
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much work pressure on employees and give them small breaks for doing some physical
activities
Use synonyms
.
in addition
Linking Words
, they should
introduced
Change the verb form
introduce
show examples
 healthy and free snacks in
cafeteria
Correct article usage
the cafeteria
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as salads, nuts and
yoguts
Correct your spelling
yoghurts
yoghurt
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should organise free campaigns to give
education
Use synonyms
 about
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 food and exercise.
To conclude
Linking Words
, now people do not eat fresh food and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 perform any exercise. there are many reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend
such
Linking Words
 as compact
scedules
Correct your spelling
schedules
show examples
, lack of health
education
Use synonyms
 and
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can be solved by reducing work
strees
Correct your spelling
stress
 and organizing free
education
Use synonyms
 campaigns.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your introduction and conclusion more clearly. Start with a strong thesis statement in the introduction and summarize your key points effectively in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the fluency of your writing. Avoid repetitive phrases to keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed with specific examples or explanations to support your ideas. This helps in providing a clear and comprehensive argument.
task achievement
Be mindful of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the overall clarity of your writing. Proofreading your work can help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
You introduced relevant issues regarding unhealthy lifestyles and provided several reasons, showing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provided potential solutions to encourage a healthy lifestyle, which demonstrates critical thinking and engagement with the prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy diet
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • convenience foods
  • fast food
  • nutritional value
  • physical activity
  • obesity
  • chronic diseases
  • health education
  • healthy lifestyle
  • motivation
  • well-being
  • awareness
  • screen time
  • market influence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: