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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that children should engage in co curricular activities and some say they should keep themselves busy on their own. Discuss both the view points and give your opinion

It is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 should engage in
Use synonyms
co curricular
Add a hyphen
co-curricular
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 make a relationship with other
kids
Use synonyms
 and know
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 habits or identify themselves
while
Linking Words
 many people believe
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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concentrat
Correct your spelling
concentrate
concentrating
 on their own goals. It argues that
indeeds
Correct your spelling
indeed
in deeds
 hard to choose between
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
however
Linking Words
, I strongly agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 must engage in
Use synonyms
co curricular
Add a hyphen
co-curricular
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and support my essay with examples.
To begin
Linking Words
, It is an ideal method to
entry
Replace the word
enter
show examples
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
Use synonyms
co curricular
Add a hyphen
co-curricular
show examples
 which means they have several advantages if they
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
Use synonyms
co curricular
Add a hyphen
co-curricular
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as they acquire communication skills,
Identify
Wrong verb form
Identifying
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 habits and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knew
Correct your spelling
new
show examples
 friends.
For example
Linking Words
, NNC made an experiment about
contrasted
Wrong verb form
contrasting
show examples
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 who
engeged
Correct your spelling
engaged
engage
 in
Use synonyms
co curricular
Add a hyphen
co-curricular
show examples
 and
kids
Use synonyms
kept
Correct pronoun usage
who kept
show examples
 themselves
buzied
Correct your spelling
buzzed
 on
Use synonyms
thier owo
Correct your spelling
their own
 goals. They noticed
Kids
Use synonyms
 engaged in
Use synonyms
co curricular
Add a hyphen
co-curricular
show examples
 are had
a higher communication skills
Correct the article-noun agreement
higher communication skills
a higher communication skill
show examples
 than the other hand.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a convenient
ways
Change the noun form
way
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 know themselves or
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 parents have made a plan for them
which
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 they do not need to waste
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 time and effort to discover themselves.
Also
Linking Words
, They might not adapt to
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 in
Use synonyms
co curricular
Add a hyphen
co-curricular
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they might have different traditions or customs that
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to hard contact with other students. In conclusion, I respect both views but, I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 should engage in
Use synonyms
co curricular
Add a hyphen
co-curricular
show examples
 because
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 must have communication skills and know themselves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, If
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 know themselves or
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 folk make a plan for them might
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not need to be in
co
Use synonyms
curricualr
Correct your spelling
curriculum
.

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content
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Be specific about which views you will elaborate on.
structure
Make sure to separate your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and include supporting details.
language
Use varied and accurate vocabulary. Some words are misspelled or incorrectly used (e.g., 'childrens' should be 'children').
language
Try to improve your grammatical accuracy and variety. Pay attention to sentence structure and verb forms, which can help enhance clarity.
content
You have addressed the topic and expressed your opinion clearly, which is crucial for task achievement.
content
You made a commendable effort to incorporate examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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