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Writing Samples
Band 3

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline is the responsibility of teachers while other think that this is the role of parents. In this essay I will discuss both the viewpoints and share my opinion.

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It is often argued that one of today's modern educational
intitutes's
Change noun form
institutions'
show examples
 rising
problem
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problems
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 is
discipline
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.
While
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 some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 believe that
discipline
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 is the
responsibility
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 of the teacher.
While
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 some people believe
that is
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 the role of students'
parents
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide relevant examples.
Firstly
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, I will discuss
about
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apply
show examples
from the view that
discipline
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 is the main
responsibility
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 of the
eductors
Correct your spelling
educators
show examples
 at schools. As we
known
Wrong verb form
know
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, almost
everyday
Correct your spelling
every day
show examples
 students spend their time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school than in their
home
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homes
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.
For instance
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, in my country,
student
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students
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 can spend like 8 hours only in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school.
This
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 can be attributed for
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
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 to teach them about
discipline
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 or even
add
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adding
show examples
discipline
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on
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to
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 their curriculum.
Secondly
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, about the view that
discipline
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 is
main
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the main
show examples
 job of the
parents
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.
Parents
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also
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 can teach their children about
discipline
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 started when their
child
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 was born. A clear example of
this
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,
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parents
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is parents
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 can teach their
child
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 about when the
child
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 can eat,
so
Correct word choice
and so
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 on.
Thus
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 one of
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parents'
Correct article usage
the parents'
show examples
Use synonyms
responsibility
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responsibilities
show examples
 is not only caring
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
child
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 but
teach
Wrong verb form
also teaching
show examples
 them about
discipline
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. In conclusion,
discipline
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 is
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
responsibility
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 of both (teachers and
parents
Use synonyms
). I strongly believe
that is
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 important to teach children about
discipline
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,
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apply
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 because it is
important
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an important
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 aspect
for live
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of living
show examples
 in society.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve your sentence structure and avoid repetitive phrasing, such as 'this is the role of' and 'discipline is the main responsibility of.' Varied sentence structures enhance engagement.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your work to correct spelling and grammatical errors, like 'intitutes's' instead of 'institutes' and 'eductors' instead of 'educators.'
task achievement
When providing examples, ensure they are more detailed and explicitly connected to your argument. For instance, describe how specific disciplinary actions taken by parents or teachers have led to positive changes in student behavior.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion in your introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The essay addresses both views on the responsibility of discipline, which shows your ability to explore different perspectives.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • authority figures
  • enforce rules
  • set clear expectations
  • consistent consequences
  • social-emotional learning
  • behavior management
  • foundational values and norms
  • respect and responsibility
  • balanced approach
  • consistent
  • communication and collaboration
  • cohesive discipline strategy
  • societal changes
  • screen time
  • digital discipline
  • physical activities
What to do next:
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