IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and 2003. Provide an overview of the information by identifying and describing the key details, and include comparisons where appropriate.

The presented pie chart enumerates the comparison of the
age
Use synonyms
 of UK tourists who visited Spain in 1983 and 2003 It is clear from the graph,
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 proportion of customers aged 25-54 decreased
while
Linking Words
 all other
age
Use synonyms
 groups tended to
increase
Use synonyms
 at different levels.
Although
Linking Words
 it lowest individuals aged from 35 to 54 continued to represent the largest segment of UK visitors to Spain in both years The most substantial reduction was observed in the 35 to 54
age
Use synonyms
group
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, dropping from 50
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 still represents the largest percentage.
Also
Linking Words
, visitors of aged groups 25 to 34 bracket followed a similar downward path
experienced
Correct word choice
and experienced
show examples
 a fall from 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 12
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the most dramatic
increase
Use synonyms
 was
also
Linking Words
 observed in the 16-24
age
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group
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, which almost quadrupled from 4
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the 55 and above
group
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 experienced a significant
increase
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 from 16
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 25
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Not only that, the 0-15
age
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group
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also
Linking Words
 saw a slight
increase
Use synonyms
 from 10 to 12
percent
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, reaching the same proportion as the 25-34
group
Use synonyms
 in 2003.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, increase, group, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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