IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that increasing business and cultural contact between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many individuals believe that regions
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
connecting with
business
Use synonyms
 and
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
will bring the advantaged processes ,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that it caused to
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 their
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both of views and give my opinion later . There are many benefits when different
countries
Use synonyms
 collab together about
business
Use synonyms
 and
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
, In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life having a lot
nice
Change preposition
of nice
show examples
 goods
want
Correct pronoun usage
that want
show examples
 to be
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 but companies do not have the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
to advertise ,
therefore
Linking Words
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 would help
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 money to invest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 items
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
be promote
Change the verb form
be promoted
be promoting
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
 ,
connection
Replace the word
connecting
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 and culture might help us
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be known and
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
with other
countries
Use synonyms
 to have more collaboration together
as well as
Linking Words
 enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
for people .
For example
Linking Words
 , the agriculture of Bac Giang was improved and developed by
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
,
consequently
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 city can
continue
Add the particle
continue to
show examples
 promote
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
agriculture
for
Correct word choice
so
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 to have opportunities to earn money .
By contrast
Linking Words
 , it still
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 about the risk of
lose
Change the verb form
losing
show examples
 their own national
identities
Fix the agreement mistake
identity
show examples
, which
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 known
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 face and the character of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 country . Connecting other
countries
Use synonyms
 could be
mix
Correct article usage
a mix
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
traditional and cultural with a lot
Change preposition
of festival
show examples
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
 or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 for regions . To illustrate , Tet is one of the most popular
holiday
Change to a plural noun
holidays
show examples
 in Vietnam ,
as well as
Linking Words
 it might be lost if we
mixed
Wrong verb form
mix
show examples
 and absorb
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
 in different
countries
Use synonyms
 and forget them ,so it
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in own colour of
countries
Use synonyms
 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , we might
be felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
less love
own
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and
also
Linking Words
 in society will be more industrially , many advertisements would be overrated and less incredible. In summary ,
although
Linking Words
 the regions connect
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 and culture to
another
Correct pronoun usage
one another
show examples
 to boost a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 fields ,
however
Linking Words
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
they need to
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
 about the risk of losing their own
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
 and identities , in my point of view
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 partly agree as we need to balance both factors to enhance
countries
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider improving your introduction by clearly stating your thesis and the two viewpoints you will discuss. This will provide a clearer roadmap for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is organized in a logical manner. This will help improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Include specific examples and explanations for your arguments. This will help to support your points and provide clarity to your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. This will help your writing flow better and make it easier for readers to understand your points.
task achievement
You made a good effort to present both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
Your use of an example about Bac Giang agriculture illustrates your point and adds depth to your argument.
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