Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their freetime. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is no denying the fact that parents should raise their kids to occupy

themselve

Correct your spelling

themselves

on their own.

While

Linking Words

it is a commonly held belief that parents must teach their children about how they can join organized

group

Use synonyms

activities on

breack

Correct your spelling

break

time, there is

also

Linking Words

an argument that opposes it. In my opinion , I consider that mixing the children with different

group

Use synonyms

activities good for them in future.

To begin

Linking Words

with, encouraging the child to participate in

group

Use synonyms

classes will improve their learning skill.

In other words

Linking Words

, they can learn new knowledge in a variety of aspects.

In addition

Linking Words

, it

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

aldoscent to increase their relationship.

For

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

meeting new people with other cultures will reduce feeling in cultural differences. Another point to consider

Add a missing verb

is, It

show examples

, It

Correct your spelling

that it

is great to

raising

Wrong verb form

raise

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people to depend on themselves. It is

also

Linking Words

possible to say that

this

Linking Words

behaviour will create

strong

Correct article usage

a strong

show examples

personality and

this

Linking Words

will help them to deal will

life

Use synonyms

difficulties.

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

point can enhance them to control and manage their

life

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, they will encourage themselves to search

about

Change preposition

for

show examples

good jobs with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

perfecte

Correct your spelling

perfect

salaries, which make their financial

life

Use synonyms

constant in

coming

Correct article usage

the coming

show examples

years.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

this

Linking Words

fact will protect their kids from bad friends, which will decrease the crimes in society. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that encouraging kids to participate in

group

Use synonyms

activities

better

Add a missing verb

is better

show examples

for future

life

Use synonyms

, because

this

Linking Words

habit can reduce loneliness and their

chaildren

Correct your spelling

children

will be more

qualify

Change the form of the verb

qualified

show examples

communicational

Replace the word

communication

show examples

skills.

Fatmah.alyammahi55Tue Apr 29 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point that directly connects to the topic. Try to develop your ideas more fully in each paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

Be careful with your grammar and spelling, as these small errors can distract from your message. Proofreading your work before submission can help.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your ideas clearer and more convincing.

task achievement

You presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

task achievement

You expressed a clear opinion in the introduction, which is important for task achievement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

organized group activities
social skills
teamwork
collaboratively
common goal
structured activities
discover
nurture
independence
self-reliance
creativity
personal interests
cognitive development
problem-solving skills
imaginative scenarios
exploration
balance
pursuits
life skills
personal growth

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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their freetime. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think that cities are the best places to live. Others prefer to live in a rural area. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of living in the city to living in the countrysid.

Spoken communication is more important than written communication. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim for science should be impove people's lives. To what extent do you agree and disagree with the statement?

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

With the recent improvement to the internet, people can leave views or opinions on certain goods or services that they have purchased. Is it a good or bad thing. Discuss both views.