Some people think society could benefit more if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

Studying specific subjects including

business

Use synonyms

and

history

Use synonyms

has a vital role in human life in terms of

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

knowledge. A substantial number of

people

Use synonyms

hold the view that studying solely

business

Use synonyms

is a future

invest

Replace the word

investment

show examples

for individuals in order to

building

Change the verb

build

show examples

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

career.

However

Linking Words

, what

people

Use synonyms

curious

regarding

Change preposition

about

show examples

their nation should do is

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

study

history

Use synonyms

which is beneficial for new generations.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss

this

Linking Words

phenomenon and explain

what

Change preposition

to what

show examples

extent I agree or disagree concerning

this

Linking Words

issue. On the one hand, technology has become more significant compared to the past and some technological innovations including smartphones and computers

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

a dominant effect

for

Change preposition

show examples

the sector of

business

Use synonyms

, meaning that, what the new generation

are

Change the verb form

show examples

supposed to do is

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

study

business

Use synonyms

in order to compatible with the modern world with great ease by pursuing new innovations. By doing so, they are able to keep up the pace of the modern world.

Additionally

Linking Words

Use synonyms

business

Add an article

the business

show examples

department enables

people

Use synonyms

making

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

to seize

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

different opportunities including getting a

well- paid

Correct your spelling

well-paid

show examples

job which is essential for maintaining quality standards since all the well-known companies spend their money

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

business

Add an article

the business

show examples

sector.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, studying

history

Use synonyms

leads

people

Use synonyms

improving

Change the verb form

to improve

show examples

themselves to adapt

different

Change preposition

to different

show examples

perspective

Fix the agreement mistake

perspectives

show examples

towards life

due to

Linking Words

the consequences of historical events which

determined

Wrong verb form

determine

show examples

the fate of

counties

Correct your spelling

countries

show examples

. Societies

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

are equipped with

history

Use synonyms

lessons have more general knowledge developing coming generations compared to others

due to

Linking Words

the quality content of events

happened

Correct pronoun usage

that happened

show examples

in the past.

Besides

Linking Words

these, historical knowledge allows new generations to expand their horizon efficiently and effectively.

Which

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

is why, they are more likely to cope with problems launching daily

according to

Linking Words

past consequences. In the aforementioned point, we can draw the conclusion that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

studying only a specific subject ranging from

history

Use synonyms

business

Use synonyms

has not only favourable but

also

Linking Words

unfavourable impact for societies. Despite the drawbacks of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon, the sector of

business

Use synonyms

can be regarded as a desirable issue in terms of being

tune

Change preposition

in tune

show examples

with the new era.

alarayazcTue Apr 29 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through the main ideas.

task achievement

Use more specific examples and details to support your points, especially in the discussion of how business study can influence career opportunities.

grammar and vocabulary

Consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For example, 'business is a future invest for individuals' should be 'business is a future investment for individuals.'

task achievement

Good effort in addressing both sides of the argument regarding the importance of studying business and history.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs, making it easy to follow the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

333 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

economic growth
entrepreneurship
job creation
innovation
efficiency
cultural heritage
critical thinking
societal structures
financial literacy
strategic planning
informed decisions
tolerant communities

What to do next:

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Some people think society could benefit more if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

Fully explain your ideas

Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work.why do you think it is happening?do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantage.

Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet. How accurate is this statement? Are there any other bigger threats to mankind?

Some people think that they should spend the money they earn now enjoying life, while others think that the money should be put into savings for the future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that spending a lot of money on birthday parties, wedding parties, and other celebrations is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent.