Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

As modern society has been Fierce and competitive, people find it hard to maintain their

work

Use synonyms

and

life

Use synonyms

balance. Personally, I believe, the primary cause of

this

Linking Words

issue is excessive working time .

To begin

Linking Words

with, individuals

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

overworked in their workplaces. Excessive working time makes them late to get back

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

home. When they arrived there, they would be exhausted, and have no energy to do household chores.

Additionally

Linking Words

, they are highly unlikely to take care of their children.

Thus

Linking Words

, overworking makes personal

life

Use synonyms

devastating. How can we tackle

this

Linking Words

problem?

This

Linking Words

issue should be addressed in a variety of views.

Firstly

Linking Words

companies

Use synonyms

should be aware of the

importace

Correct your spelling

importance

work

Use synonyms

and personal

life

Use synonyms

balance. Without

this

Linking Words

frustated

Correct your spelling

frustrated

people who

does

Change the verb form

show examples

not sustain their

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

well cannot focus on their

work

Use synonyms

and it can lead to

decrease

Wrong verb form

decreased

show examples

productivity in their tasks. So,

companies

Use synonyms

promote

Verb problem

encourage

show examples

their

employer

Replace the word

employees

show examples

to come back

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

sweet home on time.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, governments should play a key role

to support

Change preposition

in supporting

show examples

this

Linking Words

action by

companies

Use synonyms

. It is not common to hear that the satisfaction and

hapaniess

Correct your spelling

happiness

of citizens has increased when the governments give some benefits to

companies

Use synonyms

with balanced working

life

Use synonyms

policies.

To sum up

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

governments and

companies

Use synonyms

should

work

Use synonyms

together to tackle

this

Linking Words

social issue. After that, the productivity and

efficienty

Correct your spelling

efficiency

efficiently

will be

incrased

Correct your spelling

increased

due to

Linking Words

dedication by happy workers.

cutegamTue Apr 29 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction presents the topic well, but it could be more engaging with a clearer thesis statement. Consider rephrasing to succinctly state the causes and solutions you will discuss.

coherence cohesion

In your paragraphs, try to maintain a more consistent structure. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will be about. After this, develop your ideas further with clearer examples and elaboration.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'importace', 'frustated', and 'hapaniess'. Ensuring correct spelling will help enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.

task achievement

Consider expanding your examples with specific situations or statistics to strengthen your argument, particularly in demonstrating the consequences of work-life imbalance and the solutions you propose.

task achievement

You effectively identify key issues surrounding work-life balance, such as excessive working hours, which is a relevant and topical concern.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

226 words

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