IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should pay for health care and education but others believe that it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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People have different views as to whether the
government
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 should pay for
health
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care
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 and
education
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 or
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this
Correct word choice
whether this
show examples
 is not the
government
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's responsibility.
Although
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 these are not the
government
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's responsibility,  I believe that the
government
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 should fund 
health
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care
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 and  improve
education
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. There are two main reasons as to why it is considered by many people that .... could have a bad influence on low-income
families
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. First and foremost,  funding
health
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care
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 and
education
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 is extremely expensive, they have a wider role to play in society and could burden the nation's budget. 
Secondly
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,  people with limited budgets may not use private and essential services.
This
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 is particularly important because children from low-income
families
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 may fall behind in school, college and university.  A good  example of
this
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 can be seen in many countries
such
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 as the  United States,
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health
Rephrase
where health
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care
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 and
education
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 are largely privatized.
As a result
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, 
this
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 can lead to increased poverty and illiteracy among poor
families
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,  especially in the rural areas. 
However
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, others, including myself,  believe that wide-ranging
health
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care
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 and
education
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 should play a crucial role as a  responsibility of
government
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. 
Initially
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, the
government
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 helps low-income
families
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  access  essential services
such
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 as medical treatment and schooling and
then
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,  the
government
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 can step in to support poor
families
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.
Furthermore
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,  it reduces social inequality by giving everyone,  regardless of financial
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
, equal opportunities
as well as
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 the
government
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 sets a budget for public services.
As a consequence
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,  free
education
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 and medical treatment can bring about greater social equality.
For instance
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, in countries like Sweden and Norway,
health
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care
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 and
education
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 are fully funded by the
government
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 through
texas
Capitalize word
Texas
show examples
, leading to high literacy rates and excellent public
health
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.

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What works well

2
task achievement

Your essay addresses both views, showing an understanding of the topic.

task achievement

You included relevant examples, such as the situation in the United States, which strengthens your argument.

Improvement Suggestions

3
task achievement

Be more explicit in your introduction about the two views you are going to discuss. This will help set a clear direction for your essay.

coherence and cohesion

When discussing the opposing views, make sure to clearly mention specific arguments that represent that perspective. Structuring your paragraphs clearly with topic sentences would help.

coherence and cohesion

Let your conclusion recap your main points and reinforce your opinion clearly. This helps solidify your argument in the reader's mind.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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