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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over berween 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over berween 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of pupils age categories in the three countries
USA
Use synonyms
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
, who's aged 65 and above from 1940 to 2040. The unit is measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 had a relative fluctuation, and
Sweden
Use synonyms
large
Correct word choice
larger
show examples
 population than
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2040.
Japan
Use synonyms
 had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 lowest number of people
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1940 and
dramactically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 increased in 2040. In 1940,
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 had
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same number of people with around 10%, and in 2000,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased from around 15% to 20%, Meanwhile,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 had declined to around 15%.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 had a higher population
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 25% than
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 with around 25% by 2040.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 began with
lesser
Correct article usage
a lesser
show examples
 number of
senoir
Correct your spelling
senior
 citizens
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 5% in 1940, and they had a sharp rose after 2020 with 10%,
However
Linking Words
, at
last
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 ended with
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 rate of aged people population with above 25% in 2040.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, sweden, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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