IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?

Today, the amount of offences committed by
children
Use synonyms
 is growing in some countries. Some members of the societies
emphasizes
Change the verb form
emphasize
show examples
 that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 who
did
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 big
crimes
Use synonyms
 must acquire punishment as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 without considering their ages. l absolutely agree with
this
Linking Words
 concept because
this
Linking Words
 type of
main
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
 causes a bad addiction and irresponsibility among the young generation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should apply strict rules on
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed by
children
Use synonyms
. In
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the consequences of the poor punishment methods, they create an appropriate environment for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to engaging bad accidents
such
Linking Words
 as killing someone and
thefting
Correct your spelling
stealing
 items from anywhere. After these bad habits, if they see that no strict offences on their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, it would bring a permanent addiction in their attitudes.
Hence
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 causes
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
irresponsibility in front of society. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, based on a rule by
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Assembly of Azerbaijan, a child who
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 under
18-year
Correct your spelling
18 years
 old does not count as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guilty
instead
Linking Words
 their parents dramatically
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 a commitment.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
teenagers
Use synonyms
 do not take any obligation
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and try to continue
crimes
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all these bad results
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to light punishment methods of the states. Because the governments always try to protect
children
Use synonyms
 regardless of their age and bad habits. If
teenagers
Use synonyms
 receive harsh rules in the present, they would avoid
to do
Verb problem
committing
show examples
 a crime.
For instance
Linking Words
, a court in the country may
accecpt
Correct your spelling
accept
 a law like dropping the minimum age for
arresting
Replace the word
arrest
show examples
. After a
while
Linking Words
, the members of the young generation will start to consider their perceptions
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their treatments.
For example
Linking Words
, the court in Cuba
apply
Change the verb form
applies
show examples
 all possible punishments on all citizens regardless of their
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 and status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
diminishing
Correct article usage
a diminishing
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 crime in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. In conclusion, some people think that all
children
Use synonyms
 should be prosecuted as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
. Because a crime tendency among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 their internal
feature
Change the noun form
features
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as increasing the amount of irresponsibility and addiction. To solve it, the government must accept strict laws like dropping the minimum age for
arresting
Replace the word
arrest
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. Your main points should connect back to that opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve logical flow. It helps the reader know what each section is about.
task achievement
Avoid using phrases like 'apply strict rules.' Try saying 'the government should create clear laws.'
coherence and cohesion
Improve your conclusion by summarizing your main points more clearly.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and provide reasons for your view.
task achievement
You included examples to support your points, which is important in writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
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