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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?

Juvenile delinquency is experiencing an upward trend in some countries.
Although
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 some individuals believe that teenagers should serve adolescent penalties, the essay does not agree with that idea, thinking that the psychological state and resilience
as well as
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 life experience and motives of
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed by
adults
Use synonyms
 and juveniles vary, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 it inappropriate to implement the same type of punishment. Worldwide, the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed in various spheres of our lives has increased
due to
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 various reasons.
Moreover
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, the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate among teenagers has
also
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 gone up, which makes some people think that it would be effective to give both adult and teenage criminals the same penalties.
However
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, it can not be effective as
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 psychological situation
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is different:
children
Use synonyms
 can not think about their actions as deeply as
adults
Use synonyms
 can; they do not mostly foresee the consequences and the real harm they cause.
Furthermore
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, imposing harsher punishments will affect them negatively;
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 efficiency will decrease.
In addition
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,
children
Use synonyms
 have less experience in comparison with
adults
Use synonyms
, which makes it unfair to charge them the same punishment.
Adults
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 completely understand that committing a
crime
Use synonyms
 will have a bad impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, but
children
Use synonyms
 can not understand it completely.
For instance
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, the statistics provided by the Ministry of Justice of the Russian Federation in 2025
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 highlighted that during
crime
Use synonyms
 investigations approximately 78% of offspring were not aware of their actions,
while
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 83% of
adults
Use synonyms
 admitted that they committed
crimes
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 premeditatedly. At the same time,
motives
Correct article usage
the motives
show examples
 of the
crime
Use synonyms
also
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 change in that situation, particularly because
children
Use synonyms
 and
adults
Use synonyms
 do not
hold
Verb problem
have
show examples
 equal opportunities.
Children
Use synonyms
 depend on their families and easily come under the influence of society; they are more sensitive and mentally fragile owing to the hormonal disbalance they face during the period of growing. But the same can not be said for
adults
Use synonyms
 who are mentally more stable and have all
keys
Correct article usage
the keys
show examples
 to change their lives the way they want.
For example
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, the researchers of the American Association of Psychologists have revealed that the application of the same psychological conditions to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans of various age groups affects them all differently
due to
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 emotional immaturity which makes the effectiveness of it lower.
To conclude
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, even though it is widely discussed that
children
Use synonyms
 and
adults
Use synonyms
 should receive the same punishments after committing
crimes
Use synonyms
, the essay does not support the idea at all
due to
Linking Words
 finding it inefficient and unfair because of the level of maturity.

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Task Achievement
Consider presenting a clearer stance in the introduction. While you indicate disagreement, specifying your position more strongly would help establish your argument better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical flow between paragraphs to ensure your main points connect smoothly. This can be achieved through the use of transition words and phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a stronger conclusion that not only restates your main points but also reinforces your position and its implications for society.
Task Achievement
The use of specific statistics strengthens your argument and provides a clear illustration of your points regarding the psychological state of juveniles compared to adults.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively identifies key differences between juvenile and adult offenders, showcasing a good understanding of the subject matter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
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