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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013

The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013
The presented graph gives information about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of people who visit the types of museums at different times. As a general trend, the British
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 had the highest percentage of tourists. The
Museum
Use synonyms
 of Natural History was
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place and The Science
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 was the least popular among people. On the one hand, in June, the British
Museum
Use synonyms
 had 600000 visitors and from
this
Linking Words
 time to July had a huge jump to approximately 750000.
By contrast
Linking Words
, during the period between July and
August
Add a comma
August,
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 the popularity of
Use synonyms
Museum
Correct article usage
the Museum
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 was sharply decreasing and in August it amounted to 500000.
Then
Linking Words
, it was
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
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 until September and by the end of
this
Linking Words
 month
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 reached about 650000
of
Change preposition
apply
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visitors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
Museum
Use synonyms
 of Natural History had its start from around 550000. From June to July, it declined and became less than 400000.
Then
Linking Words
, until August it was completely stable and from the end of the summer to September had an upward tendency and almost achieved 500000
of
Change preposition
apply
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tourists. The Science
Museum
Use synonyms
 was visited by 400000 people in July and until August it had a negative trend and decreased to 300000. From August to September it sharply increased and
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of the period was less popular than the Natural History
Museum
Use synonyms

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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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