IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. Do you agree or disagree

A widely held opinion is that most
crimes
Use synonyms
 are caused by the lack of financial means. Being aware of
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 of
poverty
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, which lead to
deterioration
Correct article usage
the deterioration
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 of mental and physical well-being, the essay agrees with that point of view. Despite living in
globalised
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a globalised
the globalised
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 world, humanity faces various global problems and one of them is
poverty
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. Individuals in different countries suffer from
poverty
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 and struggle to maintain basic life needs;they strive to change that situation.
Poverty
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 affects negatively all aspects of human life and weakens people's mental state. Looking for better conditions, some see the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that problem in committing crime and stealing from others who have more blessings.
For instance
Linking Words
, the UN says that every 3 out of 5 people in Africa are extremely poor, at the same time the highest crime is observed in property
crimes
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, which makes it clear that
poverty
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 leads them to that path.
Moreover
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, as stated before,
poverty
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 is the reason behind both mental and physical diseases. Being hurt by
such
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 circumstances, some would like to hurt others. Sadists derive pleasure from the suffering of others, which often motivates them to commit extremely violent and inhumane
crimes
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. Especially in conditions of
poverty
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, where frustration, lack of education, and emotional instability are more common,
such
Linking Words
 individuals may become even more aggressive and dangerous.
For example
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, in certain impoverished areas of Latin America, gang members with sadistic tendencies are known to torture rivals not only as a means of punishment but
also
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 for personal gratification, contributing to alarmingly high crime rates and widespread fear in those communities.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the essay supports the stated idea
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
poverty
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causing
Wrong verb form
causes
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crimes
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 because of the effects that it has on
health
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the health
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 of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
whole social circle.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a clearer topic sentence to each paragraph to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure all points are fully developed and explored in greater depth, particularly in relation to the effects of poverty on crime.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance more emphatically.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples to illustrate the connection between poverty and crime, such as the statistics from Africa.
task achievement
The essay has a clear position throughout and maintains a consistent argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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