IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some people think advertisements control what we purchase, while others think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate that, few individuals believe that promotions control what we buy,
While
Linking Words
 a group of masses claim they are useful references on products.
Therefore
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, ahead of my opinion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views will be discussed
further
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.
To begin
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 with, the former opinion, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is the plethora of brands nowadays spending millions of
doller
Correct your spelling
dollars
 just to show their item to the world through many ways
such
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 as Television, internet etc.
This
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 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they are looking for the demands of their buyers.
For instance
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, the mobile
Correct your spelling
company
comany
Correct your spelling
company
sale
Replace the word
sell
show examples
 their products on the basis of the features of the phone
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however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, the
Correct your spelling
brand
band
barnd
Correct your spelling
brand
 knows that the customer wants their items for the good camera quality and they

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your opinion at the end of the paragraph. This will give a clearer structure to the essay.
task achievement
Ensure to define key terms more precisely. For example, using 'promotions' instead of 'advertisements' may confuse the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with spelling errors (e.g., 'doller' should be 'dollar' and 'comany' should be 'company'). These can distract readers from your ideas.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your examples, like discussing mobile phone features, demonstrate an effort to relate the argument to real-life scenarios.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertisements
  • persuade
  • consumer behavior
  • impulse buying
  • consumerism
  • psychological techniques
  • emotional appeals
  • celebrity endorsements
  • valuable information
  • product features
  • price comparison
  • informed decisions
  • digital ads
  • targeted marketing
  • autonomy
  • responsible consumer behavior
  • desensitized
  • promotional content
  • innovations
What to do next:
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