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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You said: Actually it just my writing with general theme on global warming (no specific question or agreement require), but i put consideration on being scientist. I just need your score through my essay. thanks

Climate
Use synonyms
change
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 does not consider only earth-skin rising temperatures, but more than ever,
this
Linking Words
 leads to catastrophic events from floods, extreme weather,
sea-level
Correct word choice
and sea-level
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 rise to
forest-fires
Correct your spelling
forest fires
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 or wildfires. Even devastating
situation
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situations
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 depicted by the failure of agricultural sectors might happen
due to
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this
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 anomaly
climate
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 event.
This
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 term is frequently interchangeably with global warming, an anthropogenic phenomenon emerging since human beings actively add more
greenhouse
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 gases to the atmosphere.
A
Correct article usage
The
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 notion of continuously using fossil fuel can worsen the atmosphere condition where more loading of
greenhouse
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 gasses are trapped and forbid the heat from the earth to release. Especially carbon monoxide (CO), the greatest condiment of
greenhouse
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 gases in the atmosphere, is the byproduct of fossil fuel (oil-gas-coal). A quite recent research published by Nature Communication Journal declared that the direct impact of
climate
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change
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 nowadays is seen in polar ice melting four times faster.
This
Linking Words
possess
Verb problem
poses
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 threats to any population
Correct pronoun usage
that exist
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exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
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 on
polars
Correct your spelling
polar
. Many parts, especially scientists, have put a very
seriously consider
Replace the word
serious consideration
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 on
this
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 unfriendly changing environment. Periodically scientific events to discuss the
climate
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 shifting and proposing
a scientific-basis reports
Correct the article-noun agreement
a scientific-basis report
scientific-basis reports
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 on how
dreadfull
Correct your spelling
dreadful
 situation if not come over soon.
This
Linking Words
 is the Intergovernmental Panel on
Climate
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Change
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 (IPCC) report, which acts as a guide for many authorities to save our blue-marble planet from extinction
due to
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 worsening
climate
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 events. Could we stop or at least limit the global warming? Some said it is achievable but very hard to execute economically, politically, and socially. The choice is similar to the two sides of a coin. To prioritize environment healing from rising temperature, both
society
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 and government should consciously and fully commit to executing all means to reduce global warming impact. Some sectors which become national income potential sources (
such
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 as mining and gas, automotive, and logging sectors) might
then
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 experience a slight disturbance and need to revolute to gain a way out. Little steps towards big impact. Small actions -pushing down the usage of fossil fuel, taking public transportation, biking to work, and shifting electrical sources using solar-harvesting energy- are crucial to start amongst the nation.
In addition
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, from political views, the authorities undeniably need to enforce the laws and orders regarding environmental recovery - pressing down deforestation following the FOLU Net Sink 2030 (Forestry and other Land Use Policy) agenda to achieve a negative carbon emission (storage) target or Paris Agreement where Indonesian's authority has taken consideration to boost Nationally Determined Contribution (NDC) in order to reduce
greenhouse
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 gases by 29% using the national budget. Practically, it might be hard, especially if not all apparatus and
society
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 mindfully follow through with
this
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 target and agenda.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 have taken
position
Correct article usage
a position
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 between authorities and
society
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 to justify the scientific-basis policy and recommendation based on
study
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studies
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 and scientific reports.
Also
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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being
Wrong verb form
are
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 like judges
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 monitor
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate
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change
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 through their studies.
This
Linking Words
 triangle connection between government -
society
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 -
Correct word choice
and scientist
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scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 is undeniably crucial to combat
climate
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change
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the main argument or purpose of the essay. A more explicit thesis statement can guide the reader through your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main point that is supported by examples. This will help improve the support of your main points and overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between your ideas. This will strengthen the coherence of your essay.
positive aspect
Your essay includes a range of relevant vocabulary related to the topic which shows a good understanding of the subject.
positive aspect
You have made a good attempt at segmenting your essay into paragraphs, showing structure in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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