Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether some individuals consider that hard work and determination are necessary to succeed in life , others believe that having

money

Use synonyms

or an attractive appearance are more vital to gain an achievement. I will discuss both perspectives before presenting my opinion,justifying the first view. In favour of the first view, the main point is that having a goal is important to proceed in each stage of life ,

then

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should support their own aim

with

Change preposition

show examples

working hard without knowing night and day.

Moreover

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

come across a failure ,determination paves the way for starting again .

Because if

Correct word choice

show examples

a person gives up his goal in a breakdown of

first

Change the article

the first

show examples

risk, he will not gain any achievement.

People

Use synonyms

should endeavour to learn

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

from their experiences and resilience is a key factor for

this

Linking Words

For example

Linking Words

, the well-known Turkish millionaire Acun Ilıcalı

came across

Verb problem

went

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bankruptcy

Replace the word

bankrupt

show examples

several times before becoming one of the richest men in the country.

On the other hand

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

sometimes need

money

Use synonyms

to get success in an achievement

such

Linking Words

as education.Today, the majority of students struggle with financial difficulties and it discourages

from

Correct pronoun usage

them from

show examples

going on their education at

prestigiuous

Correct your spelling

prestigious

universities.

Furthermore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

think that if a person does not have a good appearance , he does not abilities to gain success.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, it is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

wrong discrimination because it depends on personal perseverance

not

Add the comma(s)

, not

show examples

clothes or

money

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, in England, a poor young Indian girl became a minister, not giving up continuing. In conclusion, I believe that if

people

Use synonyms

really want to succeed in life , despite some

money

Use synonyms

issues and others' thoughts , they will be able to overcome all difficulties with determination and working hard.

i.nureddinnFri May 02 2025

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task achievement

While you presented both perspectives, try to ensure that each argument is fully developed with clear examples. Expanding on ideas would help deepen your analysis.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that your essays are well-structured with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This can improve the reader’s ability to follow your arguments more easily.

coherence and cohesion

Pay attention to punctuation and spacing; this helps convey your message clearly and enhances the overall readability of your essay.

task achievement

You presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

task achievement

Your use of specific examples, like Acun Ilıcalı and the Indian girl in England, strengthens your arguments and makes them more relatable.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree?