IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work? Do you agree Or disagree

A growing number of
artists
Use synonyms
 today tend to have low
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
, and plenty of individuals believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should fund
money
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 for
artists
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 to continue their work.
Although
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 it both has benefits and drawbacks, I strongly disagree with
this
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 issue. On the one hand, the continuation of the nation's culture and the support for residents having low salaries low-salary residents are two main merits
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 matter.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that art is extremely plentiful, it assists the country’s culture to thrive
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For example
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, there are plenty of
artists
Use synonyms
 who are passionate about their country, so they potentially create several pictures relating to culture or tradition. When tourists travel to those nations and can see those pictures, they may appreciate and better understand those nations. Another plus point
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 that it is too hard for
artists
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 to earn large amounts of
money
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. Since most people tend to care about business or healthcare,
therefore
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, funding
money
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 for them is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great way to support them continue their job helping them to develop the nation’s art.
On the other hand
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, the limit of budget and the dependence are two primary explanations that are worth mentioning as drawbacks. First of all, the budget of the nation is an essential issue for the
government
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, the
government
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 has to make a careful decision.
Hence
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, there are several aspects that the
government
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 must consider
such
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 as education or environment.
Furthermore
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, the situation of dependence may happen when the
government
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 funds
money
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 for
artists
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.
For instance
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, a wide range of slothful residents may prefer to choose
becoming
Change the verb form
to become
show examples
artists
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 even if they have less talent in
this
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 major. They are more likely to depend on that and find plenty of ways to aid them get
money
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 from the
government
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 because of its ease.
To sum up
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,
although
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 art
as well as
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artists
Use synonyms
 bring several benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 people and the country, it is impossible to receive funding from the
government
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I am unable to agree with
this
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 problem.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your stance on the issue more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to your main argument, using cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
While you provide examples, ensure they are fully developed and clearly linked to your argument to strengthen your points.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both benefits and drawbacks, demonstrating critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing shows a good range of vocabulary and some complex sentence structures, which adds depth to your essay.
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