In this era, technology has replaced a lot of humans at work. Why? What are the solution?

this

Linking Words

day and age, many occupations have been replaced by

Use synonyms

technology

Replace the word

technological

show examples

advancements, increasing the unemployment rate. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

explain the reasons leading to

this

Linking Words

tendency before proposing some effective solutions. There are some major reasons explain why

technology

Use synonyms

has replaced many humans at work.

First,

Linking Words

machines have the ability to function continuously without the need

Change preposition

for

show examples

break time, which is an inevitable requirement for human workers.

Second,

Linking Words

technological advancements have equipped machines with the ability to make decisions, moderate their actions, and improve

the

Change the word

their

show examples

accuracy level to a point that can not be matched by humans.

Thus

Linking Words

, many jobs have been replaced, and the tendency does not show any sign of stopping. Despite the severity of

this

Linking Words

development, governmental intervention

along with

Linking Words

raising the awareness of each individual could effectively mitigate it. There should be a regulation from the government to better protect the benefits of employees, especially ones that are prone to be replaced by

technology

Use synonyms

. The government should require a specific number of human workers at a factory site, acting

Correct your spelling

show examples

supervisor

Fix the agreement mistake

supervisors

show examples

of machinery works.

Also

Linking Words

, each citizen must equip themselves with sufficient knowledge to better adapt to changes brought about by

technology

Use synonyms

, which could help them find jobs in novel job markets,

such

Linking Words

as computer science or machinery design. In conclusion, many people are losing their jobs

due to

Linking Words

the highẻ level of efficiency and effectiveness that technological advancements have brought about.

However

Linking Words

, the government can still mitigate

this

Linking Words

by issuing new regulations to protect workers' benefits and provide more education for people to find employment opportunities in novel job markets.

nguyenthihathu22092003

May 2, 2025

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Task Achievement

Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially in the reasons and solutions sections. For instance, mention particular industries affected by automation or notable government initiatives that have worked successfully in similar situations.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance the logical flow of your ideas by using more cohesive devices. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' can help in linking your sentences more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which is essential for effective communication of ideas.

Task Achievement

You effectively identified both the reasons and potential solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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In this era, technology has replaced a lot of humans at work. Why? What are the solution?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Nowadays, some people believe advertising is useful and informative. Others believe advertising gives false information about the products and increase the price of goods.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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