IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view point ?

Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, the administration is spending most of the funding
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 and video industry
considers
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
wastage
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a fair amount of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that these wages should be spent in some other areas. I largely agree with the statement that contributing currency in other areas
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of poor
people
Use synonyms
 and education will be more beneficial. To commence with,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 sector defines the the culture and beauty of the
country
Use synonyms
 in various different realms of the world. Spending
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
 helps to improve the visuals, theatre and creativity.
For example
Linking Words
, in
film
Add an article
the film
show examples
 industry
this
Linking Words
 funding not only
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 the production of movies but it's
also
Linking Words
 a great source of entertainment which
relieve
Correct subject-verb agreement
relieves
show examples
 stress and mental
health
Use synonyms
 by diverting the mind.
Arts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as big statues and monuments emphasize the tourist attraction, in
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it made the area more famous among other countries.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there are multifarious reasons why
money
Use synonyms
 should be allocated
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospitals.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
most
Change preposition
for most
show examples
 of the
people
Use synonyms
 who are unable to afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 services government should spend more so that they can
also
Linking Words
avial
Correct your spelling
avail
 the facilities in low amount.
Cost
Correct article usage
The cost
show examples
 of
health
Use synonyms
 checkups and medicines
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 at
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 peak in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 like
lndia
Correct your spelling
India
, most of its
people
Use synonyms
 can't afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 as there are insufficient jobs. It helps them to live an active lifestyle
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their body checkups, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
paramout
Correct your spelling
paramount
 for everyone.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
learning plays a vital role in the life of
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
. Investing in
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 the economy of the
country
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are not sending
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools owing to the high tuition fees
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a grave
repercussion
Fix the agreement mistake
repercussions
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
deveoplment
Correct your spelling
development
 of
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. In
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 the poverty rate is much higher than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 these spendings help them to attain more knowledge so that they can get a good job for the betterment of their upcoming future. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not important
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is an important source by
make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
 the nation a centre of attraction by attracting outsiders, yet I believe using of
money
Use synonyms
 by higher authorities more in the learning and well-being areas
instead
Linking Words
 of
arts
Use synonyms
aid
Correct subject-verb agreement
aids
show examples
 the middles class
people
Use synonyms
 to get similar facilities which higher classes are affording to live a prospered lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to clearly define your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas and enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and vocabulary to convey your points more precisely.
task achievement
You presented a clear stance on the issue, showing that you understand different perspectives.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your arguments, which is essential for a strong essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • funding
  • investment
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • preservation
  • tourism
  • economic boost
  • local businesses
  • arts education
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • mental health
  • social cohesion
  • community engagement
  • well-being
  • pressing issues
  • infrastructure
  • complementary sector
  • society
  • flourish
What to do next:
Look at other essays: