IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays,
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
it this
show examples
this
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
 become
tradition
Add an article
a tradition
show examples
 in many nations that senior citizens
send
Wrong verb form
are sent
show examples
 to
orphanage
Fix the agreement mistake
orphanages
show examples
 when they get old
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
like in Britain, where all the staff take
care
Use synonyms
 of these old
people
Use synonyms
 and higher authorities
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 have to pay for their expenses. I think both
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 should pay for
this
Linking Words
, which I will discuss in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with,
families
Use synonyms
 are
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
 pillar for old
people
Use synonyms
. As, when they get old they need love, affection, and
care
Use synonyms
 from their loved ones. If they
send
Wrong verb form
are sent
show examples
 to that kind of place with strangers that will affect them negatively emotionally and
health wise
Add a hyphen
health-wise
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there should be
senior
Add an article
a senior
show examples
 person present in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 because they are wise and
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who will give
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 advice to their house members about difficult situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India there is 90% of
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
show examples
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
live with their
families
Use synonyms
 without thinking of when parents get old they become
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 on their children’s
shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, parents give and do everything for their juvenile’s upbringing. So, when parents get old
then
Linking Words
 why don’t children take them as their responsibility now
this
Linking Words
 is the time for
families
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them.
However
Linking Words
, why higher authorities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to pay for senior citizens because some
families
Use synonyms
are suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from poverty and they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough to pay for their medicines and other things.
For example
Linking Words
,
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
 done by
Hindustan
Correct article usage
the Hindustan
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times
Capitalize word
Times
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows 80% of old
people
Use synonyms
 got medicines and need
able
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
things because of
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 help
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 funds for them, which
saves
Wrong verb form
saved
show examples
 many lives.
Also
Linking Words
, there is
pension
Correct article usage
a pension
show examples
 service for older
people
Use synonyms
 provided by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 in many countries, where they get money each year for buying medicines and food.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, that
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 tension among
families
Use synonyms
 who barely earn for their family.
To conclude
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some many causes which
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 why both
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
families
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to pay for the
care
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
part of the society and family who should take
care
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all your sentences are fully structured and clearly convey your ideas. Some sentences could benefit from clearer subject-verb-object order, which would improve comprehension.
task achievement
Try to provide more comprehensive examples that support your arguments more effectively. The examples used are somewhat vague and could be better linked to your points.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance the flow of your essay. Using a mix of simple and complex sentences can make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, stating that both government and family should contribute to the care of elderly people, which is a strong point.
task achievement
The use of specific cultural references, such as the situation in India, adds depth to your argument and shows your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
What to do next:
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