IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people regard work as the most important thing in life and have little interest in anything else. Other people are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interests than their jobs. Discuss both these attitudes and give your opinion

It is considered by some that doing
work
Use synonyms
 is
crucial
Correct quantifier usage
more crucial
show examples
 in
life
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 than anything else, which turns them to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 interest in other things.
Whereas
Linking Words
, others believe that following hobbies and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
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 free
time
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 is more enjoyable as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to their
work
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. In
this
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 essay,I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both beliefs and give my opinion in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with the former view,
work
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 is an essential part of everyone's
life
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 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them a responsible member of the family. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the earner of the family that person
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 their
life
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 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their basic needs and live
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
life
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.
Moreover
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,
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work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
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 teaches
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
important values of
life
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,
for example
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-
time
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 management,
work
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 ethics and so on.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 will help them to become a great person in society because society
accept
Change the verb form
accepts
show examples
 those who have
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 ability to
managing
Wrong verb form
manage
show examples
 things with values,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will
also
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put
Verb problem
have
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 impact
among
Change preposition
on
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 others. Take an example- a survey which was done in India by the Hindustan
time
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 newspaper which shows about 85% of people have ability to think independently and take wise solution for
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
 than those do not have value for
work
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beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 as mention above at
work
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 individual learn many values team-
work
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, leadership that
also
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 make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
think sharper at any situation.
On the other hand
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, those who are enthusiastic about hobbies and leisure
time
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 that allow them to explore new things. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 spending
time
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 to do
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 thing that will allow them to
leran
Correct your spelling
learn
 more about that and sometime they will find something new in it.
As a result
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 that makes them involved and they enjoy
everytihing
Correct your spelling
everything
 without getting bored.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, they become another artist or singer of the nation if they have much enthusiasm in that particular field which will turn into
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 stage of
life
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. In my opinion, both views have equal importance in
life
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 because if one
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 stuck in
work
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life
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then
Linking Words
 he/she will not
enojy
Correct your spelling
enjoy
 their
life
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 happily and they just feel annoyed
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
. That will
put
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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imapct
Correct your spelling
impact
 on their personal
life
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 with children and family.
Furthermore
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, having fun and interest in free
time
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 will turn them into productive thinking and they know the real meaning of
life
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. In conclusion, both
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 and latter
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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 have equal importance in people's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
 how to live with
balance
Add an article
a balance
show examples
 of
work
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 and fun. That will show them
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
 meaning of living a happy and thrilled
life
Use synonyms
.

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Language Features
Improve your grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary to enhance clarity in your writing.
Content Development
Ensure that your ideas are well-developed and supported with more relevant examples to strengthen arguments.
Content Quality
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on work and leisure.
Structure
The structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which shows organization in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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