IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People today are not fit as they were in the past . What are the causes for this ? What can the government do to deal with this isss?

It is observed that individuals nowadays are not as healthy as they were previously. There are several root causes of it.
However
Linking Words
, a few remedies could be offered to resolve the situation to a large extent by the government.
Also
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, both the reasons and the measures are elaborated
further
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.
To begin
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 with, the most common
reason
Use synonyms
 behind
this
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 issue is time management, the masses do not have time to think about their fitness
due to
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 their busy schedule. Another
reason
Use synonyms
 is working from home and sitting at the same place for at least 8 hours could be the
reason
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 Linking Words
Usage
Correct article usage
The usage
show examples
 of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score. , losing their jobs after
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 a
reason
Use synonyms
 which affects their mental health.
For example
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, a survey was conducted in the UK, after COVID-19 19 most people lost their field jobs and moved to either on desk job or work at home.
Thus
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, they found that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it reflects on their mental
as well as
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 physical health.
On the other hand
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, the combat the issue, some productive steps can help to overcome it to a large extent. The foremost one is that the government can do a survey of every society where those individuals who are doing work from home have to join the weekend activities where the local regime provides Yoga classes and some other sports
along with
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 it.
Also
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, they will get rewarded if they win the competition.
Hence
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, it keeps them physically and mentally fit
as well as
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 financially.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are several issues
due to
Linking Words
 less activity in their lives, taking steps,
such
Linking Words
 as yoga classes and sports competitions in society can solve the problems to a large extent.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph clearly follows from the previous one and relates to the main argument. Consider adding transition sentences.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons provided in more detail, ensuring that each point is fully developed and elaborated with examples or explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammar and phrasing are polished to avoid awkward sentences, which can impede clarity. Consider revising parts of the essay for syntactical accuracy.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that delineates the topic, which is essential for a coherent argument.
task achievement
The author attempts to provide examples to support claims, which demonstrates an understanding of the importance of evidence in academic writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • modern conveniences
  • physical education
  • sports facilities
  • unhealthy eating habits
  • fast food
  • work-related stress
  • fitness campaigns
  • public participation
  • subsidizing
  • gym memberships
  • health and fitness programs
  • regulations
  • advertising
  • unhealthy food
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