IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a job, others believe that it would be better to gain experience first. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that possessing a higher
degree
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is the best way to get a good
job
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, others think
skills
Use synonyms
 and experience are more essential. My opinion is higher level of
education
Use synonyms
, mastering
skills
Use synonyms
, and having
Use synonyms
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 are equally important to get a
job
Use synonyms
 owing to the
job
Use synonyms
’s nature. As many advertised by multinational or private companies on
job
Use synonyms
 vacancies, having a
university
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
 becomes one of
unavoidable
Add an article
the unavoidable
show examples
 requirements. Higher
education
Use synonyms
 level
commonly
Add a missing verb
is commonly
show examples
 associated with
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 ability, more logical thinking and wisdom in
problems
Change the noun form
problem
show examples
 analysis, and/or
handle
Wrong verb form
handling
show examples
 multifaceted issues. In The National Research and Innovation Agency of
Republic
Correct article usage
the Republic
show examples
Indonesia
Change preposition
of Indonesia
show examples
 (BRIN),
for instance
Linking Words
, to apply for a
position
Use synonyms
 as
researcher
Add an article
a researcher
show examples
, having
doctoral
Add an article
a doctoral
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 is
unavoidable
Add an article
an unavoidable
show examples
 requirement.
Since working
Change preposition
Working
show examples
 as a researcher
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
 a fundamental ability
in doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 research independently,
s
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which will only be gained by having
doctoral
Add an article
a doctoral
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 which
shape
Change the verb form
shapes
show examples
 a person’s way of thinking, analyzing problems, and
answer
Wrong verb form
answering
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research questions by multidisciplinary approaches and technical
skills
Use synonyms
 for data processing.
However
Linking Words
, owning only a
university
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
 can not guarantee a person
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting a good
position
Use synonyms
. In
job
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 today, many companies
offered
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
 good
positions
Use synonyms
 which require certain
skills
Use synonyms
 and
experiences
Use synonyms
.
Experiences
Use synonyms
 were gained by time not by only having a
university
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
. A good
position
Use synonyms
suits
Verb problem
is suitable
show examples
 for a good human resource with
combination
Add an article
a combination
show examples
 of good analytical thinking,
skills
Use synonyms
, and
experiences
Use synonyms
 in handling tasks.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2024, The Geospatial Information Agency of
Republic
Correct article usage
the Republic
show examples
Indonesia
Change preposition
of Indonesia
show examples
 declared an open
recruirement
Correct your spelling
recruitment
requirement
 for several
positions
Use synonyms
 of
director
Add an article
the director
a director
show examples
. The
positions
Use synonyms
 required
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 with 5 years
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
 as
team
Correct article usage
a team
show examples
 leader
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
technical
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 mapping and land surveying.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another
position
Use synonyms
 offered by ESRI, a big company working on geospatial technology, as a technical support required a minimum
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 in IT
as well as
Linking Words
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
at
Change preposition
of at
show examples
 least 1 year in customer
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
. Those examples described the importance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 possessing soft
skills
Use synonyms
 and experience to support
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 in securing a
job
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, every
job
Use synonyms
 will have different requirements
depend
Change the form of the verb
depending
show examples
 on the tasks to tackle with.
NOWADAYS
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
, many good
positions
Use synonyms
open
Add a missing verb
are open
show examples
 for people with higher
degree
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 level.
In addition
Linking Words
, having soft
skills
Use synonyms
 and
experiences
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the opportunity open wider to compete in getting a good
job
Use synonyms
 as many expressed in
job
Use synonyms
 vacancies.

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task achievement
The introduction presents both viewpoints clearly, but could be enhanced by clearly stating your opinion separately.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are lengthy and complex, making comprehension difficult. Consider breaking them into shorter sentences for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Include more linking phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will enhance coherence.
task achievement
In the conclusion, restate your opinion more assertively to strengthen your closing argument.
positive
The essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument with relevant examples from credible sources.
positive
You provide specific case studies, such as requirements from BRIN and job openings at ESRI, showcasing understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • university degree
  • job market
  • qualifications
  • prestige
  • work experience
  • practical skills
  • networking opportunities
  • career choices
  • blended approach
  • theoretical knowledge
  • real-world situations
  • job market demands
  • skills and competencies
  • hands-on experience
  • adaptability
  • alternative pathways
  • success stories
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