IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people regard eating meat as completely wrong. To what extent do you agree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that eating
meat
Use synonyms
 is totally unethical and they do prefer having
vegetables
Use synonyms
. Even though there are some advantages of having
meat
Use synonyms
, I completely agree with the viewpoint because animal
products
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 are detrimental to your organs and eating no
meat
Use synonyms
 can lead you to a healthier life.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is true that having
meat
Use synonyms
 in your daily meal can lead you to build more muscles and improve your cardiovascular organs, including blood circulation.
However
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, our bodies
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 originally not designed to digest animal
products
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 because in ancient times, in Japan, our ancestors used to incorporate non-
meat
Use synonyms
 diets into their daily lives
such
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 as rice and
vegetables
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.
According to
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 some statistics, it is said that digesting animal-based foods takes much longer than digesting non-animal
products
Use synonyms
.
That is
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 to say, it can be a huge burden to digest on the human body if they tend to have more
meat
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 than
vegetables
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 in their meals.
Additionally
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, it is scientifically proven that eating more
vegetables
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 and fruits can enrich our
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 with a variety of
nutritions
Replace the word
nutrients
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,
thus
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 leading us to have a better quality of life.
This
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 is because there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a wide range of
nutritions
Replace the word
nutrients
show examples
such
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 as vitamins and minerals, all
which
Change preposition
of which
show examples
 are essential to our lives.
For example
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, some studies conducted by the Japanese government report that
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 60 with vegetarian diets are much healthier mentally and physically than those who have an animal-based meal. In conclusion, some
people
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 say that it is totally wrong to eat
meat
Use synonyms
 for various reasons. In my opinion, I strongly concur with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 viewpoint because having animal
products
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 can cause
people
Use synonyms
 to have a burden on their digestion and preferring meals without
meat
Use synonyms
 can provide us with a better quality of life.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction so that readers know what to expect from the essay.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, try using more varied cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, consider adding more examples or details to further support your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic, which is a strong element of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, giving a good structure to your argument.
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