IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should be able to choose what to study in school from early on. Other people think most of education should be guided and be based on what is useful, regardless of a child’s preferences.

There are different points of view on how youngsters should choose their primary study path.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that it is fundamental to decide on the objects of study from the outset, others claim that every choice should be made with future usefulness in mind, without considering
child’s
Correct article usage
the child’s
show examples
 desires. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 it is difficult to understand individuals’ inclinations at an early stage, it is
fundamental
Change the adjective
fundamentally
show examples
guided
Change the verb form
to guide
show examples
 them through the decision-making process
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
takin
Correct your spelling
taking
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s preferences into account. On the one hand, enrol immediately to a school which allows
children
Use synonyms
 to develop their ability on specific topics may enable
deeply
Change the word
deep
show examples
 understanding on the matter. Every newborn shows some tendency since their birth and these abilities need to be nurtured and deepened through a tailored study program.
For example
Linking Words
, the Netherlands adopted policies which allow students as young as ten to choose among different educational tracks,
such
Linking Words
 as academic, technical, or vocational routes, enabling them to focus on subjects that match their interests and aptitudes from an early stage.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 may not be able
of channelling
Change preposition
to channel
show examples
 their own skills early on.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents and educational institutions should take responsibility for making choices that
ensures
Change the verb form
ensure
show examples
 students remain competitive and aligned with labour market demands.
However
Linking Words
, that approach might undermine the chance for
children
Use synonyms
 to
further
Linking Words
 explore and develop their true talents, which could affect their long-term motivation and personal growth. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is important to prepare
children
Use synonyms
 for the job market, I believe that all
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and inclinations should not be overlooked. A balanced approach, where young learners are supported but
also
Linking Words
 listened to, can lead to more effective educational outcomes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your arguments further to enhance understanding and provide more depth to your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You present a balanced view on the topic, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your example about the Netherlands is relevant and supports your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: