IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, prefer to take risk and think that change is a positive thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is sometimes argued that some people have a tendency to maintain
status
Correct article usage
the status
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 quo,
while
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 on the other end, there are those who are not afraid to take risks and see
vertue
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value
 in
it
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them
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.
While
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 these views are vastly different, they are both valid on an individualistic and collective level and are essential for human societies to thrive and
simultaneouley
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simultaneously
 keep their integrity. On one hand, there is an
evelutionary
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evolutionary
 basis for
humas
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humans
human
 seeking familiarity and avoiding the unknown, as it assures our survival. If
this
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principal
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principle
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 is applied to our modern society, it could be interpreted as an attempt to maintain its integrity.
Additionaly
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Additionally
, staying in a familiar realm is more convenient,
hence
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 everything has already proven effective and these actions
also
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 do not challenge people mentally, since they have been practiced before.
This
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 mindset proves
advantagous
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advantageous
 in protecting already
stablished
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established
 merits.
On the other hand
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, the motor force for
human’s
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human
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 inventions and procession has always been our instinctive desire to explore the world around us.
Although
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 it might make us
suseptible
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susceptible
 to
dangers
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danger
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,
steping
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stepping
 out of
comfort
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our comfort
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 zone is the only ground to reach advancements. If it was not for our
ancesstors
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ancestors
 who fought their intuitive fear,
steped
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stepped
 out of their cave and went on exploring, we could still be living a primitive lifestyle. In conclusion, I would argue that it is a matter of personal choice and
preferance
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preference
 if someone embraces new approaches and
taking
Wrong verb form
takes
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 chances, or if they
endurce
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endure
 certainty in their lives and
therefore
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, they resist alterations to what
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is familiar to them.
Nevertheless
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, the first is necessary to
aquire
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acquire
 new innovations and the latter retains societal frames.

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grammar
Make sure to correct spelling errors (e.g., 'evelutionary' should be 'evolutionary', 'humans' instead of 'humas', 'advantagous' should be 'advantageous', etc.). This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
examples
Consider expanding your examples to include more specific instances or relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide clearer connections between your ideas and the topic.
coherence
Work on ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow. For instance, phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Additionally' can facilitate better cohesiveness in your essay.
content
You effectively presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective on the topic.
content
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance, reinforcing the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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