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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below gives the results of a survey in a major company showing the attitudes of two groups of workers to various factors affecting work performance.

The bar chart below gives the results of a survey in a major company showing the attitudes of two groups of workers to various factors affecting work performance.
The graph depicts the various factors impacting work performance efficiency
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
two different working
group
Use synonyms
 categories (
age
Use synonyms
 18-30 and 45-60). The most notable difference is the chances for personal development
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 become the most significant
factor
Use synonyms
 for the younger working
group
Use synonyms
 (
age
Use synonyms
 18-30).
Whereas
Linking Words
, the older working
group
Use synonyms
 (
age
Use synonyms
 45-60) set the money
factor
Use synonyms
 as their top
priority
Use synonyms
, which
also
Linking Words
 merely
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 the 4th
priority
Use synonyms
 for the younger
age
Use synonyms
 working
group
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can be illustrated that the top
priority
Use synonyms
 of the younger working class is the opportunity for personal development, which leads
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 90
people
Use synonyms
voted
Wrong verb form
voting
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
, it
followed
Add a missing verb
is followed
show examples
 by the relaxed work environment and the promotion prospects factors
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have the same number of
people
Use synonyms
 voted (80
people
Use synonyms
).
Moreover
Linking Words
, the money
factor
Use synonyms
 only
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 the less
priority
Use synonyms
factor
Use synonyms
 (around 70
people
Use synonyms
),
while
Linking Words
 it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 the top
priority
Use synonyms
 for the older working
group
Use synonyms
. Ultimately,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
team spirit and and competent boss fall behind as the least
Use synonyms
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 affecting the younger
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 performance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
team spirit leads as the second
priority
Use synonyms
 for the older working
group
Use synonyms
 (60
people
Use synonyms
), which
Linking Words
then
Add a missing verb
is then
show examples
 followed by the competent boss and promotion prospects factors with the same voting number (around 50
people
Use synonyms
).
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
relaxed
Correct article usage
a relaxed
show examples
 environment
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 the least
factor
Use synonyms
 needed for the older working
group
Use synonyms
 (merely around 30
people
Use synonyms
), which is the contrary of the
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 who oversee it as the second
priority
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words group, age, factor, priority, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • performance metrics
  • employee satisfaction
  • work-life balance
  • job security
  • recognition and rewards
  • survey results
  • attitude differences
  • workforce demographics
  • management strategies
  • company policies
  • employee engagement
  • professional development
  • compensation packages
  • motivation factors
  • survey respondents
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