IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that adventurous travel experiences can significantly enhance personal growth and development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

There is no doubt that these days the number of adventurous travel experiences has increased. The question is, does it enhance personal
growth
Use synonyms
 and
development
Use synonyms
 or it has no
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am going to discuss my personal view and draw my personal conclusion. In terms of the idea that adventurous travel experiences can significantly enhance personal
growth
Use synonyms
 and
development
Use synonyms
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree and the main reason given to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is that when you experience adventure in your life your adrenaline rate will increase dramatically, and
according to
Linking Words
 recent studies adrenaline is linked with
happeniess
Correct your spelling
happiness
, the more your adrenaline level is up the
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
 you will feel, In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
happeniess
Correct your spelling
happiness
 has a major impact in personal
growth
Use synonyms
 and
development
Use synonyms
 in many ways, the more you are happy the more you will learn about yourself and seek
development
Use synonyms
 in many aspects of your life,
as well as
Linking Words
 the
diffrenece
Correct your spelling
difference
 you would feel in your health.
For instance
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, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a study on someone who just finished doing
bunjee
Correct your spelling
bungee
 jumping and the interviewer asked what did he feel and what did he learn from
this
Linking Words
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
, his answer
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 shocking as he said that he felt
differenet
Correct your spelling
different
 and strong and that he learnt something about himself which is that he can do whatever he wants if he is determined to do it. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of people who would disagree and view that
adventrous
Correct your spelling
adventurous
 travels and trips
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 affect any aspect of a person's life ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree with the idea of it making a significant impact on
growth
Use synonyms
 and
development
Use synonyms
, and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the more you will experience
this
Linking Words
 kind of trips the
healtheir
Correct your spelling
healthier
 you would be mentally and physically.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline your main arguments in the introduction to provide a roadmap for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-developed with clear topic sentences and transitions to link your ideas.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples or details to support your main points and make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and grammar; for example, 'happeniess' should be 'happiness' and 'adventurous' instead of 'adventrous'.
task achievement
You present a clear stance on the topic, expressing your agreement with the statement.
task achievement
The use of a personal example related to bungee jumping is a strong way to illustrate your main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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