IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is teaching people aged 65 or above to use computers a good way to use government money, or is it a waste of time and resources? Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

In my opinion, I think that teaching
people
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 aged 65 or above to
use
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computers
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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is a great way to
use
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 government money. In modern society, not being able to
use
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computers
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 and technology is a way of segregation that we can´t afford.
To begin
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, I am convinced that there are many practical benefits of being a
tech friendly
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tech-friendly
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 country. To be a
morden
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modern
 society, where the
people
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 know how to
use
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 technological
divises
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devices
divides
devises
, can help to be more efficient at the shores that
people
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 must complete on a daily basis. To give an example of
this
Linking Words
, I would like to
mencion
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mention
 the banks. If the elders of a country don´t know how to make a deposit or check their balance, there are going to be enormous lines at the banks just to complete a task that can be completed in seconds using a computer or a smartphone.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 who are 65 or above do not want to
use
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computers
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, so it can be a waste of time for the professor in charge of making the class.
In addition
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 to
this
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, there is a practical problem with tech advances. The phones and notebooks are
changin
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changing
 way faster than
and
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an
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 old person can comprehend, so, in many cases, the things that the elderly
people
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 learn can become
obsolet
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obsolete
 in months. In conclusion, I believe that, even if most
people
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 aged 65 or more do not want to learn how to
use
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 their intelligent cellphones, the politicians, who are making the rules and choosing where to spend the money, are obligated to,
al
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at
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 least, give the elders a chance to learn how to
use
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 the
computers
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on both sides of the argument with equal depth. Ensure to provide more examples to better support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow logically from one to another. Use linking words to improve clarity and connection between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Ensure that all words are spelled correctly, which will help improve the overall impression.
structure and organization
You presented a clear opinion and structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • computer literacy
  • digital divide
  • quality of life
  • digital economy
  • rural or isolated communities
  • equality of access
  • cost-benefit analysis
  • cognitive ability
  • technological advancement
  • government funding
  • resource allocation
  • critical areas
  • return on investment
  • engage socially
  • access information
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