IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children should take part time job in their free time or they should totally focus on their studies. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so?

I believe that children should take
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 jobs in their free
time
Use synonyms
, only if they can
also
Linking Words
 focus on their studies. My opinion is based
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the many benefits that a child can get by learning new skills at their
work
Use synonyms
, but I know it is not always good and there have to be some kinds of limitations for them.
To begin
Linking Words
, there are many advantages for a teenager to be able to
work
Use synonyms
 before they finish school.
To get
Change the verb form
Getting
show examples
 to know a
work
Use synonyms
 environment can help them to
realice
Correct your spelling
realise
realize
 the
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
 path they can choose when they finish their studies.
Similarlly
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, an early bad
work
Use synonyms
 experience can be a good way to understand where they do not want to be in the future.
Also
Linking Words
, working as an underage person, who lives with their parents, is an excellent way to earn some money and be able to buy their own things. And, if your family is
strugling
Correct your spelling
struggling
 with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
finantial
Correct your spelling
financial
 situation, it can be a way to help them. On the other flip, it can lead to bad experiences. In many cases, children are not able to
realice
Correct your spelling
realise
realize
 when someone is abusing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their power or is
traspasing
Correct your spelling
trespassing
 an ethical line in the workplace. So it can become a traumatic experience.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, if the
work
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 is not
complatible
Correct your spelling
compatible
 with the school chores, it can lead to a greater problem, because the first priority of the
younglins
Correct your spelling
younglings
youngins
 is their education. But, I reckon that
this
Linking Words
 can be banished with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strong government regulation. In conclusion, there a pros and cons about
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 having
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 jobs. Given that, I am convinced that it is a experience that most of the
time
Use synonyms
 can have a great impact on the children and can naturally help them to understand the world we live in faster than if they do not get the
opotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to try.

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language
Ensure correct spelling, such as 'realize' instead of 'realice' and 'financial' instead of 'finantial'.
style
Consider reducing repetition in phrases such as 'in many cases', aiming for more variety in phrasing.
content
Clarify your position in the introduction, stating whether you lean more towards the advantages or disadvantages. This will enhance your thesis statement.
content
Make sure all ideas are well-explained and supported by specific examples, particularly examples of good and bad experiences.
content
You present a balanced view by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of children taking part-time jobs.
content
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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