IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for old people to learn something new while others believe that once a person in the past 65 years of age it is too late to learn. What is your opinion?

Many pupils imagine that the elder person to learn new things is an advantage. Meanwhile, some others have faith that once people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reach 65 years of
life
Use synonyms
, It's hard to learn. In my opinion, It is not completely true, because for those who have an interest in learning,
then
Linking Words
 old
age
Use synonyms
 is just a number. They have lots of
time
Use synonyms
 to learn at that stage,
however
Linking Words
 they are tired from their work or management duties.
Age
Use synonyms
 is not a deadline to end learning, until
dead
Replace the word
death
show examples
 we can learn and gain knowledge, One who has the potential to learn and the brain is still active,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
can learn whatever they
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, A senior person who has an interest in history or
Environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 science,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can learn it and get a complete understanding,
he
Correct word choice
and he
show examples
 will teach the grandchild.
Therefore
Linking Words
 learning new things is not a waste of
time
Use synonyms
 at above 65
age
Use synonyms
. Some humans have tried
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their jobs and some have a peaceful
life
Use synonyms
 after 65. It is not working
age
Use synonyms
, it is a
time
Use synonyms
 to convert a busy
life
Use synonyms
 into
experienced
Correct article usage
an experienced
show examples
life
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because he has achieved all his targets and settled in
life
Use synonyms
, so there will be no pressure on
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 shoulders.
For instance
Linking Words
, I know a person who tried from the police department and he started a free IAS exam coaching
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 for students, for
this
Linking Words
 he needed to prepare himself to share the educational information with peers,
however
Linking Words
, once people have faith in them they can achieve by learning. In conclusion, if the mankind who
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 65 years
and
Correct word choice
old and
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to be up-to-date in their knowledge,
then
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 is not an important thing in their
life
Use synonyms
. They have many moments in
lifespans
Correct pronoun usage
their lifespans
show examples
,
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
when
show examples
 they can enjoy their
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning new.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing your introduction to clarify your stance on the topic. Use simpler expressions for readers to grasp your opinion easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting details align with that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your writing style and avoid repetition, which can help elevate your score.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion presented in the introduction, and you provide examples to support your arguments, which is a strong aspect of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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